Another Sunday, another meltdown

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Another Sunday, another meltdown
2
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 7:10pm
Sundays SUCK!
I went through this last week too.
This week I think by Tuesday I might have started to pick myself up a bit. I'm weak. I have no strength when it comes to him and we talked on Thursday. I just can't not talk to him. I don't know why. I don't initiate it but I have to respond to him. And we got into a fight as soon as we got on the phone and he started saying "ok fine if that's how you want it no contact. No calls, no texts, no e-mails." and all I had to say was "ok" but I choked and the thought of it, especially in the heat of the moment like that, I just didn't say anything. I just sat there quiet like. So in the course of this conversation we get to him telling me that its nothing I'm doing its all him. I was thinking because of "He's Scared, She's Scared" that he had committment issues but he doesn't. As I read the book I see how some people are like that but he's just not one of them. It really does just come down to he feels like he owes it to his son to try again with his ex. But he knows he's unhappy. Do you make decisions that make you unhappy? I sure as hell don't but he for some reason is making this decision that is making him and me unhappy and in turn is going to make his son unhappy and probably play with knives. But in the course of this conversation he's trying to not break down and he's telling me he loves me. I know he's telling the truth but for the first time since we broke up he said he needs more time to make this decision. So he hasn't made a decision? Huh?
Anyway, the conversation isn't what upsets me. I have been abandoned by all of my friends so I feel if I kick him out of my life I suddenly have no one that cares about me. Isn't if funny how you spend all your time listening to your friends problems but the second you have one they all put their heads down and walk away? And I know that he is feeling very alone right now. This is us, this is how we were, two people who really only care about one another. That is why this is so hard for me.
So we don't talk again, and I feel pretty ok. Still confused as all hell but not down in the dumps. Sunday rolls around, WHAM> I hit the wall. Again! I spend the whole day crying. I miss him, I think about all the good times we have together, I have no one else, I'm lonely, I get into the self loathing that I know isn't the case for anything, I think of all the things I did wrong and why he'd rather be miserable with someone he hates rather than be with me, yada, yada, yada. My Mom comes and talks to me for a bit but I just don't even know what to say anymore. We are all just so lost and confused and I don't know what to do. I HATE my job with everything in me but yesterday I'm thinking "who wants to go to work? I DO, I DO!!!" And I don't even do anything at work. the thing about Sunday's though is I can't even pick myself up to go anywhere or do anything. My parents and grandparents went to lunch and I could have gone only I just couldn't deal with facing anyone or being in public. On Saturday's I go out, I shop or just be out, and I want to go but as soon as I get out I feel like I need to get home. sunday's I just can't even do it.
And today? Getting up was tough because I wake up with the anxiety of thinking How am I going to feel today? but once I was up and moving I was OK. I go through some down time during the day but not to the weepy point.
So here is my weekly post. Stay tuned to next week when I have another meltdown post. Same bat time, same bat channel!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:51pm

Hi sun,

I love the same bat time, same bat channel. Sounds like you need to do some volunteer work in an animal shelter or something to fill up your weekend.

As a test, consider saying this to yourself every day this week: "Saturday and Sunday are wonderful and this weekend they will be meltdown free."

Also, try to find things to do that you actually enjoy. Bake cookies, go for a walk, go to a movie alone even.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 8:44am

In addition to what cl-itwinflame suggested, I wanted to address your problem with his decision, because almost every one of your posts talks about how you don't understand how people can make and stick to decisions that make them unhappy: People do that everyday. They make decisions to make others happy, in this case, his son, and put aside their own feelings on whatever it is. They feel they are sacrificing for the greater good. Make no mistake, just because the decision makes him unhappy does not mean he will change his mind. That's the other thing: These same people will typically hold rock-solid to that same decision that is making them so very unhappy simply because they gave their word. They don't want to be seen as the bad guy and would rather walk across broken glass than risk making the person they already made a promise to, unhappy.

I realize he made promises to you, and I know you're wondering what about you, but in this case, you know his son comes first. His ex knows that and is using it against him in order to manipulate him. Problem with that is, your ex is *ALLOWING* himself to be manipulated. He knows what's going on, he's not stupid. It's not happening by accident, please get that in your head. They are both players in one very twisted game, but one that is very familiar to them. Unfortunately, you're caught on the sidelines and if you let yourself, you will dangle along with him pretty much forever. If you let yourself.

Best,

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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