Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Any advice?
17
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:18am
I found this message board about a week ago and it has been very helpful. I now have a question, or need some pointers or something...my ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago...feels a lot longer. So far I have been sticking to the NC rule, although its getting to be harder...I feel a lot of unresolved anger. (We have 'broken up' before and I was the one that always initiates the contact). Anyway heres the toughie; we work at the same place. I've been doing good on avoiding so far but we have a meeting tomorrow we all have to attend. It will be the first time I see him and I am dreading it. Its bad enough that every time I pull into the parking lot and see his car, I get the jitters. So what can I do? I am seriously debating missing the meeting altogether. I really don't think I can handle seeing him right now....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:51am

plainjane81...

Pianoguy has a question for you.

Can you separate your professional life from that of your personal life?

The 2 of you are being paid by the same employer to perform AS PROFESSIONALS. It doesn't matter whether your personal relationship went to 'hell and a hand basket!' The only thing your employer cares about is that you're doing the tasks he (or she) is paying you for!

Attend the meeting! Just do the best you can to sit far enough away from the EX. You don't have to speak to him or even acknowledge his presence. And when the meeting is over, IGNORE HIM!

Your professional focus should be connected to the job you're being hired to do!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:54am

I understand that you're dreading seeing your ex, but is he really worth risking your job/career over???

If you have to go to the meeting, you have to go to the meeting. Can you enlist a friend from work to arrive with you and sit with you? As for how to treat your ex, I would just be pleasant and professional but that's it...nod hello and keep moving (don't stop to talk). Hopefully it's a big enough meeting that you don't need to sit near him.

The first time will be the worst, but you have to get it over sometime, right?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:02pm
I am not an idiot PG I realize that. Its kind of hard to do so right now when you feel like crap inside. I wanted some tips on how I can try to act and look professional when I will be literally sick to my stomach...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:05pm
Its more of an informational meeting for our benefits; and supposedly no one knew of our relationship...we tried to keep it hush hush. I don't want to give him the satisfaction but I don't want to make it look like I am trying to hard...I guess I shouldnt have caffeine before the meeting and just suck it up and ignore him..
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:13pm

I don't think ignoring him is a good idea, as I said, I'd just give him a nod and keep moving to your seat or whatever.

Good luck, I hope it's not too stressful. Also, now that it's over, is there any reason not to confide in a trusted friend at work for moral support? Or maybe you don't have that type of relationship with any of your co-workers...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:37pm
Start venting your anger on paper, write him UNSENT letters then burn them. Write as often as you need to. If you want a forgiveness form letter, write me at onetwinflame@hotmail.com


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:49pm

plainjane81...

When (in his previous post) did Pianoguy say YOU WERE AN IDIOT?

My only remark was that you act like a professional on the job.

Geesh!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:10pm

Hi,

This is my first time posting on this board but I just wanted to share my views as I am in the same boat. If I were you I would not only attend the meeting but make sure if there is room for me to share my ideas and show off my smarts I would do it. Also, I would make sure that I would look my best just to show him what he lost. I know how hard it can be but believe me it worked for me like a charm. I had to be in the same situation and I had to suck it in and pretend like all is ok...not only that..but I made sure that I looked my best, participated more than usual in the meeting and looked like I have moved on and my life is doing great with out him in it. I was proud of myself afterwards not only because I managed to be ok but also coz in my case, he tried to contact me again and get back together and I said NO...Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:38pm

hi plainjane

why not? show him what he lost if i was you i'll go and show off...i will dress up good and fix my hair and make up..JUST TO LOOK GOOD FOR HIM. ATLEAST HE WILL THINK THAT "DAMN SHE LOOK GOOD..WHATS UP WITH HER"...AND BELIEVE ME HE WILL THINK THAT YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE AND YOU ARE INSPIRE. ALL THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT HE WILL THINK.....SO GO FOR IT GIRL...SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GOT!!!

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 4:02pm
Believe me, I have! I have gone through all the so called rituals..i guess its something that just passes over a very long period of time...

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