Any advice is great about Mediation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Any advice is great about Mediation
1
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:06pm

I have been married for 19 years to the same man and we had a decent marriage, except he was always working and not around much for me and the kids. Then, I found a text message from a woman. Of course, he never told me about her. When I confronted them both, they both denied anything was going on. Long story short it's time to get divorced. I'm not coming last anymore! I tried to be fair, I really did. I went to a lawyer and told her to draw up the papers and pretty much split everything down the middle 50/50. I get papers from his lawyer and EVERYTHING in his version is a lie. He wants everything, says he was the only one that took care of the kids, says he wants custody and I should only see the kids if I take anger management. He was rarely around for the past 19 years. He only ever took the kids trick or treating ONE time in 18 years. He didn't help me move our daughter to college, he didn't even ask where she lived until she had been there for two months. He never took them to the doctor/dentists, I could go on and on. He's making things difficult because he doesn't want to pay child support. He is still living in the house and I want this divorce over with. I am now angry, but I don't even talk to him, and I have to see him all the time because he still is in the house. If angry means the silent treatment then he's right.

He and his lawyer have been dragging out the divorce procedure. They never provided me with his financial affidavit, they haven't returned my lawyers calls for mediation. My lawyer finally set a date, November 8, and now it's up to his lawyer to attend or cancel. I am crossing my fingers that they don't cancel. I am trying to stay positive and am so ready to move on. I'm not sure what to expect from mediation. Any advice would be great!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 8:44pm

Mediation is different in every state and in every county of the state. For instance in CA - in San Diego Co, the mediator actually can be called upon by the judge for input. In Los Angeles Co, a person can show their true colors to the mediator and the mediator can't present an opinion in court.

My suggestion is, get your attorney to ask for a psych evaluation. You will both have to take tests.

How old are the kids? I ask because in some states, children of a specific age can choose which parent to live with. Also some courts/judges/mediators want to see the kids too and ask the kids questions - like who fixed dinner, who gave you baths, who took you to school/after school programs/sports, etc?

He's dragging it out because of his ego.

If you can, I suggest you go for counseling on your own to help you deal with the emotional rollercoaster you are going to be on for awhile. And if you want two really weird ideas write me at onetwinflame@hotmail.com

Also consider posting on the Surviving Divorce Support board here at iVillage. Good luck to you.


Carrie