Any Advice is Welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Any Advice is Welcome!
2
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 1:50am

I was dating this guy for the better part of a year. He pursued me endlessly for the first couple of months and I, to be honest, was not very attracted to him. He decided to give up on me and said I would never come around. Right then it was like a light switch went on inside of me. I realized he had become my best friend and I was not ready to let someone else date him.

We dated for several months. He started telling me he loved me very early on. I became pretty involved with his family that lives here in the area. We never had any major struggles except he felt that we were physical too often (imagine that!). We've both been raised very religiously and don't believe in premarital sex, so that was not going on.

One weekend he would tell me how in love with me he was and how he felt like we were already engaged. We talked about our future together. Life was good. The next weekend, or day, he would tell me that he just was not sure about us, how he felt about us. It was such a rollercoaster.

We were suppose to go to his family reunion together and he told me if it went well, we should plan on getting married. He said if I could handle his family, I could handle anything. I went out of town for a week and returned the day before we were to leave. He called me and asked me to meet him for lunch. I knew something was up. I went to his house and he broke up with me. He told me he was so confused all the time, that it wasn't fair to me. He didn't want to take me to the reunion and then breakup later. I was devastated. I had thought he was the love of my life.

One thing I forgot to mention is that the two times we have broken up....he has done it and then we've made out for several hours, with him telling me that he loves me and misses me already.

His sister emailed me and said that he probably hadn't told me about all the failing marriages in his family, and about the difficult marriage his parents had. She told me that even though he is 26, I was his first real girlfriend ever. She said he felt like he hadn't dated enough to know if I was someone he could marry. She told me to let him go and date others and if he returned, it would be worth it in the end.

The problem I have with that is that we are both very religious and anyone he would date, attends church with me. I feel like it is degrading to me to take him back after he has dated other people that I know. Am I wrong to feel that way? It has been about a month and he went out on his first date tonight (I've already dated others). I was just sick. He and I talk a lot everyday, sometimes for hours. He tells me that he does not miss our constant communication, does not crave it like he used to...but that he loves me as his friend.

What I wonder is should I stay and be the best friend? As impossible as it seems to end the friendship, would I be better off? In the past when we've broken up, I have remained his friend (he never dated though) and then he would come back to me in time. I'm unsure if this time is different or if I owe it to myself to do something different. I have never loved someone like I love him. We could talk for hours on end; I never bored of him. I could see myself with him forever.

Please give me any advice you see fit!

Thank you!




Edited 6/28/2007 2:32 am ET by newengrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:38pm
He does sound very scared and confused. Maybe a little selfish? You have feelings too but he seems to be on a big trip of what he feels all the time.
I come from a pretty dysfunctional family too, a lot of divorces etc, but that never means that you guys would go down the path aswell, just because of his parents.
When i broke up with the love of my life last year, i was devasted, just completly lost. I didnt know what to do with myself and i came to these boards alot. Everyone told me to move and forget him. We were broken up for close to 8 months and we dated other people. He wouldnt talk to me, said we would never date again because i had changed so much (im a bit of a party girl) anyway...we're now married and having a baby. SOOOO the bottom line is..anything can happen! I would honestly stop talking to him for a while, and he will find that if he really loves you, he wont be able to stop it and he will come back. If you are always there and he can talk to u anytime, he wont miss you. So go be friends with other people and live a little bit. I know its the hardest thing but beleive me, iv gone through it. NOONE ever thought we would even be friends again let alone married with a baby on the way!
Please dont be too upset too, everything happens for a reason i guess, maybe ull find that theres another guy out there who is more your type
good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:22pm

Welcome to the board newengrl,


While he may have been confused, he's dating others.