I'm having the same problem , but the person i was cheating with won't leave me alone and it's making my hole process very difficult.But i hope that you are doing better now if you could give me any insight it would help.
I'n my situation we both went to counseling for a about 4 months , things started to turn for the better,but i fully ever stopped talking to my friend i would so call say,after everything started going right with me and my husband ,i tried to end the conversations with the other person
If you actually loved your husband as you should, you would stop contact with the other guy and work on your marriage. You control you and your actions, just because he keeps getting in touch with you doesn't mean you have to talk to him or respond. No one is doing this to you but yourself. Your husband deserves to be treated with respect and love, you are not doing either of those things. If you don't have trust in a relationship you don't have much of a relationship. If the shoe was on the other foot and your husband was cheating on you how would you feel? What goes around comes around eventually. If you husband does find out then IMO he should get out and find someone that does truly love him.
No I don't think I am.... The truth is ugly sometimes.
I have never been in the OP shoes, but I have been in her husbands shoes, and IMHO cheating is never good for whatever reason. I was married 12 years, alcoholic, mentally abusive husband (come to find out he had cheated on me the whole time we were married) and I never once cheated on him (I had chances but I didn't) Cheating goes back to a persons character and morals. And looking for something with someone else that is missing inside yourself.
As I stated, if the OP truly wanted to work things out with her husband, she would stop ALL contact with the other guy, no matter how she feels about him, and work on herself and her marriage. And as long as she is in contact with him that is still a Emotional affair which is just as damaging as a physical one.
If the OP feels like a "whore" that is her perception of herself. (Not saying she is by any means) She is the only one that can change that. If you don't have HONESTY in a relationship what good is the relationship? She needs to be truthful with her husband if she really wants to work it out. You have to have self-respect and love for yourself before you can give that to someone else.
I am not attacking her, she asked for opinions and that is what this board is for.
You misunderstood, I did not turn to alcohol my husband was the alcoholic, and cheater.
**What I don’t agree with is that you said that the “whorish” feelings that she’s having are how she perceives herself. I’m sorry, but I’ve been there.**
That is how she perceives herself at the time, what I am saying is those feelings are coming from within herself, and she has the power to change that. But she is the only one that can change those feelings. If someone continues to put themselves in situations that contribute to those feelings, they are doing the damage to themselves. Until they do something about it, it will continue. We all deserve to be loved and respected, but we have to love and respect ourselves first.
totally agree with the last response. If I was you, I would be so ashamed to even write on this wall. Everybody deserves the truth so take your last chance to treat your husband with respect and either leave him for the other or stay with him and be faithful to him.
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Welcome to the board skorpladi,
Rebuilding trust and healing the betrayal takes a lot of time and effort.
Edited 10/15/2007 3:11 pm ET by skorpladi
No I don't think I am.... The truth is ugly sometimes.
I have never been in the OP shoes, but I have been in her husbands shoes, and IMHO cheating is never good for whatever reason. I was married 12 years, alcoholic, mentally abusive husband (come to find out he had cheated on me the whole time we were married) and I never once cheated on him (I had chances but I didn't) Cheating goes back to a persons character and morals. And looking for something with someone else that is missing inside yourself.
As I stated, if the OP truly wanted to work things out with her husband, she would stop ALL contact with the other guy, no matter how she feels about him, and work on herself and her marriage. And as long as she is in contact with him that is still a Emotional affair which is just as damaging as a physical one.
If the OP feels like a "whore" that is her perception of herself. (Not saying she is by any means) She is the only one that can change that. If you don't have HONESTY in a relationship what good is the relationship? She needs to be truthful with her husband if she really wants to work it out. You have to have self-respect and love for yourself before you can give that to someone else.
Edited 10/15/2007 3:11 pm ET by skorpladi
Hi pmspardon,
While he does 'something for you' you still have to figure out what you want to do with your life.
Two other iVillage boards that might help:
Ending an Affair Support
My Affair Support
I am not attacking her, she asked for opinions and that is what this board is for.
You misunderstood, I did not turn to alcohol my husband was the alcoholic, and cheater.
**What I don’t agree with is that you said that the “whorish” feelings that she’s having are how she perceives herself. I’m sorry, but I’ve been there.**
That is how she perceives herself at the time, what I am saying is those feelings are coming from within herself, and she has the power to change that. But she is the only one that can change those feelings. If someone continues to put themselves in situations that contribute to those feelings, they are doing the damage to themselves. Until they do something about it, it will continue. We all deserve to be loved and respected, but we have to love and respect ourselves first.
We can agree to disagree.
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