If we could all...just...relax. We're losing sight of what this board is about - mutual support not a court of right and wrong. There's no need to accuse nor defend against anything on this board.
It's a GOOD thing that skorpladi has come to regret her decision to have an affir(whether emotional or physical). Some people who cheat NEVER hit this point because they really feel as if they're self-entitled to do whatever they feel like it. Advice-wise your boyfriend really needs to take some time off, come to grips with this affair, before he can start re-building trust. It's actually (I would think) normal to be frustrated with how things are going, but if you fall into the trap of wanting him to just "get over it", it's not being fair to him. It's like stabbing him in the gut and expecting him to 'get over it' because you're sorry. Any frustration you express comes across as you not making an effort and it'll feel like you're walking on eggshells for a long time. Unfortunately, emotional wounds, like all wounds, don't heal over night. Takes a lot of time, patience, and remorse from the other party and at the end there's still this huge scar, but if both of you put time and effort into re-building trust, your relationship may actually come out better because you're both taking time to address the issues that may have led to the cheating.
AS for the cheating in general, I don't think cheating is acceptable under any circumstances. Emotions run high over this issue because it seems like the majority of the folks here are on the other end, me included. And the hard truth is, you can dice it any way you like, but at the end of the day, if you cheated, you have all but stomped on the person you profess to love. And YES, every person on this board has felt a connection to another person, especially in long relationships. The excitement of it is intoxicating. There were men I connected with and had more fun with while I was with my ex and I'm sure it was the same with him - but at the end of the day I learned to control it, which is what I suppose what some posters have tried to get across (though perhaps it came out more hostile than it seemed)
In any case, I'm not going to harp on it any longer. Lord knows you're probably hearing enough of it from your boyfriend.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
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you talk about keeping it real, you could not have told your boyfriend that you slept with someone hours before
him, i don't believe no man would go for that one. I think that you need to let your boyfriend go with that type
behavior your most likely are
Edited 10/15/2007 3:12 pm ET by skorpladi
Edited 10/15/2007 3:12 pm ET by skorpladi
Edited 10/15/2007 3:13 pm ET by skorpladi
Hi skorpladi,
None taken at all. We all just try to help how we can. Take care
from a man's point of
Edited 10/15/2007 3:13 pm ET by skorpladi
If we could all...just...relax. We're losing sight of what this board is about - mutual support not a court of right and wrong. There's no need to accuse nor defend against anything on this board.
It's a GOOD thing that skorpladi has come to regret her decision to have an affir(whether emotional or physical). Some people who cheat NEVER hit this point because they really feel as if they're self-entitled to do whatever they feel like it. Advice-wise your boyfriend really needs to take some time off, come to grips with this affair, before he can start re-building trust. It's actually (I would think) normal to be frustrated with how things are going, but if you fall into the trap of wanting him to just "get over it", it's not being fair to him. It's like stabbing him in the gut and expecting him to 'get over it' because you're sorry. Any frustration you express comes across as you not making an effort and it'll feel like you're walking on eggshells for a long time. Unfortunately, emotional wounds, like all wounds, don't heal over night. Takes a lot of time, patience, and remorse from the other party and at the end there's still this huge scar, but if both of you put time and effort into re-building trust, your relationship may actually come out better because you're both taking time to address the issues that may have led to the cheating.
AS for the cheating in general, I don't think cheating is acceptable under any circumstances. Emotions run high over this issue because it seems like the majority of the folks here are on the other end, me included. And the hard truth is, you can dice it any way you like, but at the end of the day, if you cheated, you have all but stomped on the person you profess to love. And YES, every person on this board has felt a connection to another person, especially in long relationships. The excitement of it is intoxicating. There were men I connected with and had more fun with while I was with my ex and I'm sure it was the same with him - but at the end of the day I learned to control it, which is what I suppose what some posters have tried to get across (though perhaps it came out more hostile than it seemed)
In any case, I'm not going to harp on it any longer. Lord knows you're probably hearing enough of it from your boyfriend.
good luck
Susanna
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