any suggestions please

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
any suggestions please
4
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 2:26pm

Hi I know this site if for women but i couldn't find any other website for advice.
could you please give me some suggestions to what i should do please. thanks for taking the time to read it. sorry if its get a bit confusing at times...

I went out with this girl for 5 months. we had a loving relationship. maybe went into it to fast but however we did loads together we went out all the time we never argued, told each other how much we loved and cared for each other in person through email and sometimes letters. everyhting was loving and romantic...

However 1 night 'a month before the relationship ended' She had been drinking all day cos it was her mums birthday and towards the end of the night I saw her kiss someone down town. I saw this and she came running after me and i knew it must of been the drink, she was so drunk as she didn't no what she was doing. So i forgave her for the stupid mistake she made and she did feel really guilty about it and i trusted her that she wouldn't do it again which she didn't.
However Even though i forgave her for it, I guess their was always something at the back of my mind and i guess I lost a bit of trust in her from their which I shouldn't of because i really did no how happy she was with me and sorry for what she did. Anyway from then it made me feel like i had to see her all the time and pick her up from work and everything just got to much, and asking her who she was on the phone too. however when your in love you do silly things which ive realised now ...

So the day before we went on holiday she told me she was very confused and she didn't want to be tied down anymore and wanted to live her teens yet she said she loves me. which you could tell was true. so we went on our holiday and probs got on better than before.probs cos we knew this could be the last time spent together.

Anyways after the holiday I wanted to have a 2 week break to see what she wanted but that only lasted 5 days as it got to much. so we decided to split at the end of july.
she said if i havent got a gf or would like to start the relationship again we might get back together in a couple of months when I know what i want but if we do we have to take things slow this time. However Since then we didn't speak much in august and September. We stayed mates but i think we just wanted to let the dust settle as things felt awkward. however at the beginning of september i found out that towards the end of the relationship of someone i know that i didn't give her space, i was to clingy and we saw to much of each other and also she wanted to go out and enjoy herself . Anyways i realize this now that i was silly towards the end not trusting her.

So anyways the last week i text her asking how she was and the next day she text me saying hi sweetie ive got no credit could you ring me on my phone please. So I rang her and we got on great... I said we'll have to catch up sometime and she said yeah when i have some money as im skint what with my new job. and so that was 5 days ago. seems like were mates and the dust has settled but i still miss her.

So Please help! is do i send her a letter saying sorry for spoiling the relationship towards the end and that i didnt mean for it to get too serious or will that cause bad feeling now the dust has finally settled or do i wait and let her get in touch and organise to arrange catching up sometime. I know its been over 2 months but maybe she knows what she wants now. Any suggestions please??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 2:52pm

Hi Craig, sorry you are going through this...

When trust is broken in a relationship, it takes work and time to get that trust back. It doesn't just happen, or get switched on like a light switch. Right now you miss her and the relationship you had, you haven't worked on the regaining the trust. If you don't correct the problem first it will just linger and you will be back in the same place.

Sounds like you are wanting to take the blame for the relationship being over. There are two people in this. She broke your trust by kissing someone else (being drunk is NO excuse).

I would not send her the letter, get on with your life do things for yourself and make yourself happy. Let her come to you and show you she deserves your trust again. Give her some time, you state she is a teen, she should be out having fun and not tied down, and you should also. I have 18 yr old twin daughters and I have told them the same thing. You have your whole life ahead of you, live your life for yourself, and let her do the same. If it is meant to be she will be back. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 3:43pm

Hi craigt567,


Here's your

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 4:42pm

Just my two pesos….


I think you should completely leave the ball in her court and give her space and time to truly miss you and want you back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 12:09pm

Hi well i'll ask her about the trust thing and see what she says
if we do decide to give it another go.
for now i think she's enjoying single life. i cant blame her really at 19 but
their must come a point where she enjoyed a relationship but who knows.
I forgot to mention that after we split this girl called nicola liked me. and my ex found out this. I told my ex though that im not ready for a relationship at the moment but maybe in a few weeks as ive only just come out of one. anyways a month in september my ex was asking my m8 strangely enough how things are going with this nicola and he said i dont know.

even though im letting her do the running and let her come to me but maybe she dosent like to keep getting in touch if i have a gf. I am gettign on with my life and everything theirs just a bit of a gap at the moment and that's her...

any more suggestions would be gratefull but

thanks for all the advice anyways