any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
any thoughts?
6
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 10:39pm

hi. i'm new to this board...just found it when i was looking around.

i just have a quick question for you all cause for some reason i am second guessing myself. my ex-boyfriend's birthday is coming up next week and i was going to send him a present, but is that not a good idea? some background:

i'm 25 and he's turning 27. we dated for almost a year and i moved 5 hours away to go to graduate school. we were going to try the long-distancce thing even though he was skeptical, but neither of us really put in enought to make it work. it put a huge strain on the relationship and we took about 2 months of no communication. i still care for him very much and he still cares for me (to what extent i don't know). i was home last month for winter break and he invited me over, make me dinner and we chatted like friends. it was so nice to see him again and to know that we could be friends even if having a relationship again would never happen. well, when i was home, he kissed me and it totally caught me off guard. i'm still not sure if the kiss was because he still has feelings for me or what? it kinda set me back a bit, but the reality is i am in school now and can't be with him.

anyway, i learned to knit when i was home and started a matching hat and scarf that i thought i would give him for his b-day. since i'm poor it's economical for me and still a nice gesture. but now i am wondering if it's too much...will i freak him out by sending him a present even though we aren't together? i just thought i would get some input from you all...let me know your thoughts.

thanks-

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: boston80
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 11:35am
A card is enough. It'll be cheaper to buy and send than the hat and scarf.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
In reply to: boston80
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 3:17pm
I would say send him the hat & scarf if you want to. It's a friendly gesture & sounds like you two have remained on good terms. My ex & I exchanged Christmas presents. It may not be the "normal" thing to do but if you feel comfortable with it, why not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: boston80
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 10:47pm
Personally, I wouldn't give him anything for his birthday....you aren't together anymore there for you don't need to give him a present.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: boston80
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:58pm

boston80...


Pianoguy would LOVE a hand-made hat and scarf....especially if it was made by a lady who meant a lot to him.


Unfortunately, your EX/BF is just that....an EX!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: boston80
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 9:23pm
I think it's reasonable to still be able to care for people and want to make them smile even if your relationship hasn't worked out... Giving him a bday gift won't be a bad gesture, just a way to say that no matter what happens I think you're a great, special person whom I don't regret having in my life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: boston80
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 10:56pm

thank you all for your responses...i guess i just was hoping for some clear cut answer. to be honest, Pianoguy, i am not over him, and he's not over me either, but distance for one is keeping us apart right now. He has been calling me a lot as of late and we have really been enjoying communicating most recently. I don't know if we will get back together in the future, I am not waiting around for him either.

anyway, i appreciate your varied responses and thoughts. i think i will probably go ahead and send him the present anyway cause i care about him and made it thinking of him. the card will be simple to understate the gesture, it's really a little handmade token to let him know i care. hopefully he won't freak out by this, it isn't like i am going to send a dozen roses and some super expensive tech. gift or something particular that i know he wants. it's yarn that cost me $2.88 at the art store.

thanks again...