Anyone break up and he NEVER called?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Anyone break up and he NEVER called?
17
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:33pm
I know we are not supposed to want them to call, but the truth of the matter is I would feel much better if he would call just once so I can feel that I at least mattered to him in some way. It seems guys always call after a break up, I'm afraid mine wont. He prides himself on being able to cut people off cold. Did anyone break up and he never called and you never saw him again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:54pm

My ex and I were together about two years, spent the summer broken up, and got back together in the fall. He was very gung-ho about being back together, talking about our future, our children, blah blah blah. After a month together, about five weeks ago, my dog died unexpectedly at home. I called my on-again boyfriend, very upset and distraught. I've never heard from him since. I guess we broke up, huh? He didn't even actually break up with me. At first I didn't get it, left him a couple of voice messages and emails, figured he was uncomfortable dealing with my grief and was giving me space. He just ignored my attempts to communicate with him. I have absolutely no idea why. He didn't even respect me enough to um, actually END the relationship. He disappeared like a ghost in the night. I broke down and checked his profile on this car enthusiast website he visits, and saw he'd been online a couple of weeks ago, so I guess he's still alive. Foolish me, I sent him a birthday gift last week (not expensive), no acknowledgement. You'd think I'd become a war criminal or something, and I have absolutely no idea what happened. Did he see me talking with a friend and think I was cheating? Was he just appalled by my grief over my dog? Who knows? Seriously, what happened?

So, yes, it's entirely possible you'll never hear from him again, or at least not for a LONG time. In my past experience, though, like a bad penny, an ex always turns up again, usually many months (or even years) down the road when you're over them. For whatever it's worth, it's better for your long-term mental health not to have them checking up on how you're doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 8:21pm

Hun, I know how you feel...well, somewhat.

Unlike your ex, mine has called/im'ed/texted me since our breakup. You may believe that you want to hear from your ex, and I can understand your reasoning behind it--you want to know that he cared/still does care. But believe me--hearing from my ex has done nothing but hurt me even more and give me false hope. He just confuses me--he tells me that he doesn't like me/doesn't want to be friends, yet he still contacts me randomly and says he misses me and that I "gave up" on him. And he has a new girlfriend! I think he just wants attention.

He also probably doesn't want to be forgotten. And who can blame him--feeling like you've been forgotten about is a horrible feeling. I'm guilty of doing stupid things like contacting my ex for no reason, even though I know he probably won't respond and doesn't really want to hear from me--just because I don't want him to forget me. But I'm trying to get over that and realize that it doesn't matter.

I'm not an expert and perhaps some guys really don't call at all after breaking up...but from what I've gathered from my own experiences with dating/from seeing my friends date/from reading this discussion board is that guys typically DO try some form of contact eventually. But if you can, try to do NC. I know it's hard (I've been struggling with it for the past 6 months and still am), but it will help you heal faster. I thought that hearing from my ex meant that he cared about me and maybe he would want to be friends/get back together someday...but I've learned that it can mean just the opposite--that he doesn't care and is just trying to play a game/hurt me.

You guys broke up for a reason and if he doesn't contact you at all, he's only doing you a favor. Good luck sweetie <3 Be strong!

"It's funny, I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves. "

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:17pm
So far, it looks that way for me. It's only been 2 months, but it ended badly (he cheated and tried to blame it on me) Despite our 8-year romance and that we were really good friends, I don't expect him to ever call. He's not that big of a person and he knows he was wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:35pm
Well, my ex called the day after the breakup but he just wanted to make sure I was okay. In a way, it was insulting because he thought that I would be falling apart after he broke up with me. And deep down inside, I think he wanted to feel less guilty about the breakup by checking up on me. As much as I want to hear from him, I think it's best that we never talk or see each other. This way, we can both move on without dragging out the old and dead relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:42pm

If you read the previous postings, you will see that even though you may hear from them, it could only lead to you feeling worse. Having no contact is the key to healing, and even though you may not want that, it's really the only cure of mending your soul and piecing your life back together. I haven't had any contact from my "friend" in 8 weeks, and the first few weeks was soooooooo hard. I wanted him to call, just to apologize for hurting me, and he didn't. I did tell him to leave me alone and never call me when we last spoke. He has respected my wishes, but I still wanted him to call me after I said that. I realized, him not calling me has helped me alot, and I don't feel as bad as I use to. I know if we were still talking, I wouldn't be able to let go, and it would only prolong me from healing. Your really better off not hearing from him, it does no good, especially if you still have feelings. Once the feelings are gone, talking to him won't be so bad, because you just don't care anymore. You'll be ok, try to be strong and not call him. It doesn't help you AT ALL!!!!. Good luck

P.S. They ALWAYS eventually call you one day. It's guaranteed!!! I have experienced it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 10:46pm
Along time ago I had a bf that never called but then again he never had the nerve to tell me we were broke up.....he just started dating other people. I did however see him again but nothing much ever came of it.











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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:35am
My fiance left me over the phone (I was visiting my parents)






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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 9:20am

The last time I saw my ex-bf (not the one I recently posted about) was 7 months ago when he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and walked away. I have never heard from nor seen him since and I have never contacted him. It hurts to know that I meant so little to him that he could remove me from his life so easily. In the long run, the no contact is what probably kept me hanging on by a thread.

Stay strong. I promise it does get better and does get easier. And you will heal and you will move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:10pm
My fiance and I had been together 8 years. He ended the relationship with a phone call 2 months ago and I have heard not a word from him. This is a man who had for eight years called me on his way to work, after work and before he went to bed. He lived out of town but spent every Thursday through Sunday, when he wasn't working, at my house. I knew his entire family and he knew mine. The weekend before he left he was squeezing me so tight I could not breathe telling me over and over how much he loved me. He called as usual and nothing was different in the conversations up until Thursday after he got off work and called. He told me he wanted to come get his things. He had seen the big picture and it just would not work. He got his things off the patio while I was at school the next day. It still hurts but now I am beginning to see a big picture of my own. Part of that picture is, had I paid attention to some of those red flags I saw in the beginning, I would have called it off myself years ago and saved myself much pain and anger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:57pm
My most recent ex has completely dissapeared on me, it has been almost two months since we've spoken and I know he isn't going to contact me. I used to want him to but now I honestly don't care because I no longer harbor those feelings of wanting him back, I do still miss him sometimes but that doesn't mean he is good for me to have in my life.

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