Anyone Feeling Emotionally Tired?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Anyone Feeling Emotionally Tired?
15
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:24am

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone feels tired. I was about to get married to my ex when he broke it off. I wanted to be with him wholeheartedly and it just hurts so much.

So now besides heartbroken, I feel so tired. How can I go out and find someone again? How can I fall in love again? How can I trust someone again? How many times can I keep doing this? Meeting someone, getting to know them, meeting their families, being together, trusting each other, sharing things about yourself with them, getting to the point of getting married, putting your heart in someone's hands...to DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?! I am so so so frustrated and tired. And the worst part is, even IF you get married, sometimes things don't work out and people get divorced. So if you think about how many people we have to meet to meet "the one" and it might not even pan out...how do I have the strength in me to keep going on? I really want to meet that person and I thought he was it and he thought so too until he changed his mind. What should I do? I don't want to be one of those cynical women out there...I still have hope but I am just tired when I thought I found the one. I mean today there's just so many criterias that people have and on top of that the chemistry between them. Any advice? It's making this whole breaking up process even bleaker. How to go on when I am feeling this way along with feeling heartbroken?

Thanks
Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 10:50am

Sarah:


I feel your pain....my ex confessed having an "emotional affair"...he swears it wasn't physical (who knows).. a couple of weeks ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:12pm

Welcome to the board sarahmrz,


The trick is to not allow yourself to worry about the furture while trying to process pain in the now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:37am

Hello fellow Sarah-

Yes, I am emotionally exhausted as well. It has been exactly six weeks since the break-up but only day 3 of NC (my birthday was on the first and he initiated contact with me= bad results). I know this is going to take a very long time but I can't believe how all consuming this is. I wonder if I spent this much time thinking about him in the relationship if there would have been a different outcome! My saving grace is that the answer is "NO". We had exact opposite views on marriage, children and how to deal with our respective families. I feel that those are foundations of relationships and even if the house is pretty, it will fall if it is standing on something flawed. My main issue (if you hadn't read) is that he is/was/has been on a reality show during all this. So, even though we are not together, I have this weekly reminder. Its actually all over as of tonight (can you imagine what I am going through right now?) so I hope this is my time to break free but it has been so damn hard. I am also dealing with what I call "balances". He was a good guy in the beginning and yet he broke up with me. He said he loved me the day before we broke up and then we were nothing. He said that once the show was over, it was my turn to be the "important" one in the relationship and then BAM! he tells me that he can't be with me because he needs to be selfish once in his life and that means no relationship.

Do you ever get to learn all the answers? I'm guessing no and that kills me. I guess we just have to learn how to live with not knowing. I don't know how I am going to do it either. I really want to be able to get over this. Yet I hang onto it because the letting go almost hurts more. Who knows.

Sorry if I am rambling and am not even making sense! It is very late and I am tired. But can't sleep, of course. (Sigh). Feel free to write anytime.
Swallens

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 11:13pm

Bear with me, but did anyone read that post I wrote long long long ago about lottery tickets and such?

I'm sure you'll come to see this in some near future, but I'll mention it anyways. This feeling of uselessness and defeat is only temporary, unless you let it become your life. Every break up you go through or will go through can be looked at in two ways. Either this is the break up that will crush you into something meaningless, or it will be that extra polish that you need to become that real gem that you are. But you need to decide for yourself which one this will be. But when you think on it, if you survive all this hard polish, one day you'll find yourself in the right setting with the right man. And I swear, then, you'll realize the worth of all the heartbreak you're going through right now.

But MAKE SURE YOU ONLY KEEP IT TO A POLISH!

All the best,


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 8:31am

That's a very good way of looking at things. I just need some hope right now because when you're stuck in the aftermath of a breakup, everything looks so bleak. I want to be able to believe that the next person will be different, that they will accept me, that we can have all those things again.

I think this is a hard break up for me because I have always been treated so so sooo well. If he was an a**hole or a cheater, I think it would at least logically make me feel like there is a reason to move on. Now in my mind, I just wonder if I will ever find someone who treats me (emotionally, financially, and physically) as well as he did. But then I think again how if he treated me emotionally well, I wouldn't be left in the dark about him wanting to breakup with me right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 4:01pm

I'm feeling exhausted too. But it's just a feeling, and eventually it goes away. You know that right? Sometimes, I focus on the simplest thing - like my breathing - it allows me to take a break from thinking about the break-up. Try it

Focus on the breath, then the next breath, then the next - your thoughts will wonder - back towards the story in your head about the break-up. Go back to the breath. Try this for 15 - 30 minutes. Your mind will have the break it needs, then your body will relax. Train your mind to focus on the breath - not on any thought that will come - but take my word, the thoughts will come. Simply acknowledge their presence, and go back and focus on the breath. Do this for the next few minutes.

My break up was two weeks ago. It still hits me like a wave. This morning, I wrote this: I will use your name instead of mine - here it goes:

"Beloved Sarah and Ex,

We are around you and your Ex both. You are loved, special and connected to all that is. We are here to comfort you both, separately. This is not a mistake - it's just is. Fear not. This is the best yet ever. It takes what may seem like a failure or a mistake to discover insights you already have, are uncovering from within. We're here to allow you to detach, as you had freely opened the doors to your heart. Breathe! Allow the waves of emotion carry you through - and through it all, We embrace you with the experience of being held, comforted, understood, listened to, accepted, forgiven, allowed to be who you are now, in this moment. Isn't that the greatest gift you can give to each other? Isn't that the greatest gift you can give to your Ex - even without him hearing it from you? Give it to him in silent moment, give it to the world, for you already have it."

Breath!

Take the time to nurture yourself, love yourself. And when you do, another will be attracted to you, notice you, and will celebrate life with you.

Watch the movie: "Under the Tuscan Sun!"

Lastly, there's another person who needs comforting. Comfort him/her!

You are loved,

Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 4:18pm

Hi there:


I often read the posts highlighted on ivillage's main page but almost never respond. However, when I read yours I just couldn't help myself. I went through exactly the same thing (well, minus the reality show :-)) that you did. I was with a guy, loved him, he loved me back, I moved to a new city for him and eventually our relationship started falling apart--particularly when I found out about his emotional affair. 2 days before Xmas he told me he didn't love me anymore and proceeded to go and have a relationship with the emotional affair chick. She eventually broke his heart (surprise surprise). Now it's like 7 years later, he's married and I assume happy (we ahven't spoken in years), I'm married and very happy, etc. etc.


I know exactly how you feel about this breakup though. I thought I was never going to feel okay after mine. I hurt so much it was actually a physical pain in my chest. I couldn't stand that one day he was here and mine and the next he's just GONE. I didn't know if I believed I'd ever have a decent relationship again, let alone get married. I SO wanted to be one of those people that was absolutely fine w/being single but was terrified of it. It was rough. Here's the 3 best pieces of advice I got. HOPEFULLY, they'll help you.


1. This really sucks right now. It's awful. It's going to make life difficult for a while. It's going to make work difficult for a while. The only thing you can do is walk through the pain and accept that nothing in life stays the same. This too shall pass. It's cliche, I know, but I think it's cliche for a reason--cuz it's true.


2. The next thing I was told that helped is that when you let go of looking, someone comes along. That's so cliche too. And I thought it was total bullshi*t when I heard it. But when I finally got fed up and decided to give it a try, it worked. I let go of the need to have someone. I took it one day at a time as "Well, I don't have someone today and that's okay. I'm not worrying about that or focusing on that. Who knows what will happen tomorrow but today, nope, not worrying." The next thing I knew, I'd met my husband.


3. The last is that there are no guarantees in life. I'm happily married and as much as I believe we'll be together until death do us part, there's no guarantee. I honestly would rather have had some beautiful times and a lot of love then lose it than never have gotten to have this at all. I have faith in myself that I'll be okay no matter what happens.


Hope this helps at least a little. Hang in there.

MarlenaAli616.jpg Ali picture by gal_marlena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 4:23pm

Dear Sarah,


Your post made me realize I am not the only one with that feeling-- I'm really sorry for the breakup you are going through Sarah--- Just as you, after a long term relationship that did not turn out well, I felt tired-- emotionally drawn. It's been a few years now and I feel the same way. I think all this tireness will instantly lift the moment you'll meet a man you will fall in love with again. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 5:24pm
Thank you all so much for your posts. It really made me feel like I am not alone in this and that people HAVE gone through it and (hopefully) everything will work out for the best. This breakup is harder on me in general because he treated me extremely well in all ways. I was pregnant at the time and we decided not to have it and the breakup ensued shortly thereafter. It just makes things just that much harder especially since only a mere while ago I had enough trust in my ex to believe that he would be there for me and this potential child and be there to support us...and now everything is broken. The thought of me putting that much trust into someone and to have this occur within such a short time frame has left me frazzled. Hope I am not bumming everyone out. The posts are really a great help and I appreciate all of it. Hope everyone is feeling better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 6:00pm

Dear Sarah,


The pain will hurt and you will be angry and I promise that will all pass in good time.

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