Anyone Feeling Emotionally Tired?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Anyone Feeling Emotionally Tired?
15
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:24am

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone feels tired. I was about to get married to my ex when he broke it off. I wanted to be with him wholeheartedly and it just hurts so much.

So now besides heartbroken, I feel so tired. How can I go out and find someone again? How can I fall in love again? How can I trust someone again? How many times can I keep doing this? Meeting someone, getting to know them, meeting their families, being together, trusting each other, sharing things about yourself with them, getting to the point of getting married, putting your heart in someone's hands...to DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?! I am so so so frustrated and tired. And the worst part is, even IF you get married, sometimes things don't work out and people get divorced. So if you think about how many people we have to meet to meet "the one" and it might not even pan out...how do I have the strength in me to keep going on? I really want to meet that person and I thought he was it and he thought so too until he changed his mind. What should I do? I don't want to be one of those cynical women out there...I still have hope but I am just tired when I thought I found the one. I mean today there's just so many criterias that people have and on top of that the chemistry between them. Any advice? It's making this whole breaking up process even bleaker. How to go on when I am feeling this way along with feeling heartbroken?

Thanks
Sarah

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 8:00pm

Hey Jen,

I'm so sorry to hear that that happened to you. That must have been very hard to deal with. I just wonder...when do you know that you have let go? I think I have mentally let go of the fact that we have been together...emotionally, not so much. What if we never do?

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 8:35pm
I don't know if this will help or if it just annoyingly

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 11:12pm
Hey Sarah, Your message brought back memories of a painful time years ago, when my boyfriend and I broke up after being together for 7+ years. I was in the midst of planning our wedding when I learned he had been having an "emotional affair" with an old friend of his, and this called into question (for me) his integrity, our ability to communicate and solve problems together in a healthy manner, and our overall fit. We tried hard to patch things back together but it wasn't happening. As all of this was going on, I had to move to a new town to start a new job there; I turned 30, and felt lonely, tired, and really just not hopeful about meeting someone else. The future looked so gray and bleak, and I couldn't picture things ever getting better. I'd look at couples getting married and think, "you're probably going to get divorced someday. How can anyone be optimistic in the face of such horrible odds?" I eventually started dating, and for a couple years, compared every single date unfavorably to my ex-boyfriend. But eventually a time came that I was ready to move on. I met and married my husband, and am now a perfectly content wife and mother. I see in hindsight that my ex-bf and I were never as good a match as my husband and I are. I would never have known this in the darkest moments after the breakup when it seemed like I had lost everything important in my life, but to quote a cliche, time does heal romantic wounds. I wish you the very best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 8:23am

It's great hearing everyone's stories and just knowing that there are other people out there who have been through this. Being stuck in the middle of this makes it hard to see or even hope that I will be able to meet someone new, get married, and live a happy life one day. I don't know why I always worry that I won't find someone as great as he is...probably because he is a good man, has his life together, and we do click together very well. I just don't know how someone I can feel so compatible with does not feel the same way about me. There was no feeling of distance between us or feelings of unease being around each other. It was just great on my end and to have this breakup come out of nowhere, I am beyond shocked.

So to all the married ladies out who after their breakup with their ex (and who thought thought the ex was "the one") I just wanted to ask: How did you know and when did you know that the guy you are now married to was "the one"? I thought my ex was the one. We were talking about getting married and moving in together and all our friends/families knew about it. What changed? How can I trust my instincts again when it led me wrong this time especially since I was the one who was dumped? Does anyone then ever know when they meet "the one"? It's such an elusive feeling -- one I HAD and it's wrong (obviously). What then? How did you know? Or maybe if anyone who isn't married has some thoughts on it as well, I'd appreciate it.

Feel better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 9:09am

I'm living proof that it DOES get better. If you read my posts from a few months ago, I was so tired of hurting and thinking about my ex. The pain felt like it was through every part of me, it was suffocating. This board really helped, as well as the suggested articles. But also "No Contact". I knew I was a good person and once I stopped trying to figure out "what went wrong" or "why he did this to me", I could focus on healing. It was up and down emotionally; very trial and error. At one point I was a total hermit and then I was a party maniac; I had to find a happy medium.

Pages