anyone had to break up with someone?
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anyone had to break up with someone?
| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 5:56pm |
I feel like I am the only one who has had to break up with someone after a long relationship. So if you have, I was just wondering..
If you have, what was the reason?
Did you have contact afterwards (how did that work), did you ever become friends again?
What are some tips or advice that has helped you get through it?
Thanks in advance!

Hi Precious...
We talked in the other message board "Should I stay or should I go?" I just broke up with my boyfriend and it was so very painful. It sounded like he wanted to work it out but he also said if I didn't love him then there was nothing he could do and he would go along with it. So I told him I no longer loved him. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have been with him for almost 5 years...and I've known him for much longer. I am now trying to remind myself over and over why I did break up with him. I feel a huge emptiness inside. I still love him but I know it's not the right kind...I pretty much forced myself to be passionate and sexual with him because I wanted to make him happy but I didn't feel that connection so...that's that. I wanted to want him as much as he wanted me but after 4+ years that didn't happen (in terms of sensuality & sex).
I know I am going to see him again when he picks up his furniture next month (we lived together for a while). At this point, I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from kissing him and hugging him. I have some time to get used to the idea of it being over I guess...
This sucks precious. :( I don't even want to tell anybody yet because I think I'll just cry and be pathetic. Plus I need it to sink it for a while before I share this with friends and family. Anyway...forgive my whining, I just needed to get this off my chest...
Oh, yeah, several times!
The specific reasons varied but the bottom line in each case was, I just didn't feel they were right for me.
I didn't handle the end of my marriage very well, so yes, there was contact but eventually it faded and lessened (we still had to have *some* contact because we had joint custody of our dog) and after a period of minimal contact we were able to become friends.
I've since learned my lesson on contact and in a more recent relationship I ended, I didn't stay in contact with him right after the breakup (he wanted to though, mostly so he could try to change my mind I think). We've since gotten together a few times for dinner (after months of no contact) but I'm not really interested in being friends with him so I haven't really been in touch recently.
My advice would be to be kind but firm...ambivalence gives the other person hope, and that's not fair to him. And if he wants to stay in contact, let him know that you'd prefer to take a while with no contact so you both can heal...you wouldn't be doing him any favors by permitting contact, IMO.
Sheri
Yes- I had to breakup with my fiance 5 weeks before our wedding day!! We were together 6yrs (engaged for over 1). It was terrible.
How did I do it?? Face to face, we cried together, talked about it, I was open & honest with him & answered any questions he had as best as I could.
Why did I do it?? Although I loved him (still do), I wasn't "in love" & it certainly wasn't a way to start a marriage. I know I wasn't ready a few months beforehand, but I thought it was "cold feet". As the wedding day grew closer, I realized I couldn't marry him & it would probably end in a quick divorce. I was so wrapped up in the planning & was so scared to disappoint people, that I put it off...making it worse.
Do we have contact now?? Yes, we do. It's been 6 months. We didn't for awhile, but we own a house togehter (still dealing with that), so times we were "forced" to talk. I broke his heart badly (mine still hurts too even though it was my doing), but we are able to talk about it still. Our house situation should be cleared up soon, so will we talk after its done? I don't know- maybe sparingly at first, but it will probably dwindle. We havne't seen each other, just talked on the phone.
I am now on the receiving end of a breakup & I am torn apart. My BF went about it a terrible way & it hurts so bad (see my previous posts). I wish he was honest with and open with me. Instead he's pulled my heart through a ringer & I am trying to deal with it. I keep thinking "maybe it's karma getting me back for leaving my fiance?"
I've had to break off two very long term and important relationships. My first was my first boyfriend and first love, we had been together for 5 years. Due to different lifestyle choices I had to end it which broke both of our hearts. That was 8 years ago and we haven't been in touch since. I wouldn't have been able to do it, it would have been too hard.
The second was 2 months ago with my live-in boyfriend of 4 years. I wanted a future together and he wanted things to stay like they were. I want marriage and family and at 37 my time is slipping away quickly to have those things. We have been in touch, at first it was around him moving stuff out of our house, now its more chatty about life stuff. I haven't seen him in a month. Recently, my father was diagnosed with cancer and I was having a hard time staying strong for him so I called my ex. He was wonderful! He wanted to come spend time with me for support, but I discouraged him from coming because I thought it might do more harm than good. I know that continuing to have contact is just making things more difficult and giving me false hope, but with what's going on with my dad, I needed the support of a friend. At some point, I am going to need to set boundaries, I just haven't figured out what they are yet. I think that we will be able to be friends somewhere down the line, but we are still in that ambivalent grey area transitioning from lovers to friends. Its not easy. We both still love each other, we just want different things.
I wish I had advice, but as you can see I'm in the same situation. Hang in there!
Dear Precious:
2 years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. Unfortunately for me, I remained in touch, continued to talk to him and even slept with him after the break up. Yesterday, I found out that he had been dating another girl, she is pregnant and he might marry her. Needless to say, I feel stupid and hurt and sad. But I also feel like I deserve it. I should have never EVER kept in touch. The relationship broke up for a reason and I shoulda learned my lesson then. Now I feel like I'm going through another break up.
Although we are good friends, I called today and told him I do not want anymore contact. I read on another post that you have to cut all ties to heal... It is true. You do have to cut all ties, no talking, no seeing each other. The hardest thing is dealing with not having that person in your life when they have been there everyday for so long. But, I feel strongly about me and I have willpower.
I wish you luck. I hope everything goes well for both of us.
Take care,
aida