Are there people who never move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Are there people who never move on?
6
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 11:30am
Someone posted that absence makes the heart grow fonder in regards to a dumper, saying that this person may realize what he/she is missing in the relationship and may want to come back and try again...

But...what about people like me and the majority of us on this board, the dumpees, will absence make our hearts grow fonder? At times I feel it does. The longer I am away from him the more I miss him and not necessarilty just being in a relationship. I miss our connection, our conversations, joking around, the intimacy, etc.

Is it possible to not get over someone? I'm not saying I'm never going to get over my ex, but are there people out there who never move on? and what happens to them? Are they bitter? Do they ever meet anyone? Do they settle? Is something wrong with them? Do they not value themselves?

What if years after a break up, they still believe that person was their "one" and truly never recover...is that possible?

Just some random thoughts going through my head...feel free to respond with your 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 12:45pm
Hi fromlb.

I do strongly believe that there are some people we just can't get over. My ex and I dated right out of high school and I knew he was "the one" we broke up, and went our seperate ways. We both dated other people, I even had a baby, and still wasn't over him. We had started dating again and were together for 2 years and broke up on our 2 year anniversary. Him saying he loves me, but just needs to be alone. That he wish we could go back and we would have never broken up but so much has happened and it scares him. I know he is "the one" I want and I believe he wants me (just scared). How am I supposed to get over this person. I don't think I ever will. He has ruined all men to come, because they just can't compare. So the answer to your question for me is no, i think sometimes you just can't get over someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 1:08pm
Linton,

How long were you and your bf apart when you separated the first time? Do you feel that maybe your bf is a commitment phobe and just pushing and pulling? Have you dated any other guy whom you felt you might be able to love more? Not to pry, but what about the father of your child, did you think when you met him that he was possibly the one? Or have you always thought of your bf, no matter who you were dating? I guess I'm wondering if the only time you thought of your ex was when you weren't dating anybody, perhaps lonely or if he was a constant on your mind? Am I making any sense? Just very curious about this subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:39pm
Fromlb its ok to pry, lol :o)


Well this X that I'm taling about was my 2nd seriuous BF, and I had dated a few guys before my sons father. None that I had ever had the same feelings that I had for my X. I loved my sons father, just not in the same way, never had those great feelings that I had with the X. Even while I was with him, I felt guilty knowing I didn't love him in the way I had for the X, I kind of wanted to make myself feel that way, but I couldn't. Since our (the X) most recent breakup I haven't dated. I just don't feel like it would be fair to anyone too. It's not that I'm sitting at home, I'm keeping busy and for the most part I am happy. I just feel I'll always have these feelings for the X. Does that make any sense?? I even have started to see a therapist, no luck so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:57pm
FYI, my counselor says that, yes, there are people who never do get over broken relationships or broken hearts. I don't think it's because their ex-es were the loves of their lives - I think it's more because of the personality traits of the person who continues to "hang on." Perhaps they are too romantic, not practical enough; perhaps their self confidence keeps them from trying again; perhaps for whatever reasons they can't cope with the hurt and/or rejection; perhaps they continue to see their ex-es with rose-colored glasses. But - that's not going to be any of us, right? I sure hope it's not going to be me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:58pm
Sure, you can sit at the stop sign of a relationship for as long as you want -even after the other person has gone thru the intersection, even as life is passing you by. IT's simple.

Put on your hazard indicators, sit there holding your head in your hands, refuse to realize that you're just at an intersection without a mechanical problem except yorurrefusal to move....and life will pass you by while you stay entrenched in the past and the feelings of the past.

People do it all the time....claiming "they were the one for me'- if they were the one for you - they'd think the same way.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 9:23am
I guess there are people out there who NEVER get over someone. I've been in about for long term relationships in my life and each one has taken various lengths to get over. The first one, it took me YEARS to finally be completely over it and let go of the bitterness and pain. Another one, I wasn't completely over and it negatively affected the outcome of yet the next relationship. Now, I'm having a hard time just seven weeks into a breakup of still totally letting go, although I've come A LONG , UNBELIEVABLE way from where I was when I first posted here. But, from past experiences, I know that I have to go thru the hurt, then the anger and bitterness, and finally the resolution within myself from this past relationship before I could ever have a successful long term relationship.

So in answer to your question, I'm sure there are people who never move on...but...my question is what is your hurry? You move on at a pace and at a time that you see fit. You may feel pain for months and perhaps even a twinge of pain for years but it gets easier. You may be driving down the road ten years from now, and hear a song on the radio that was special and it brings things back....but at some point, instead of pain, you are able to smile at the memory and then look ahead because your life has moved forward. It just happens at your own speed and your own pace.