Are they his friends now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Are they his friends now?
1
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 11:12pm
I posted a super-long message out of despair earlier today and after re-thinking it, I realized the core message was whether or not our mutual friends in grad school are "mine" or "his"?

I was in another city for the summer, but he was in the same city as school this summer. As such, he bonded with people who I was pretty social with before I went away for the summer. When my ex and I were still talking a week and a half ago, he said he particularly bonded closely with a mutual female friend. She and I were pretty close before I left and she was my "in" to the group of friends I feel are now being social with him and not me. I don't think my ex told this woman anything about what he did to me, but I do know he told her that he has a lot to work through on his own and that he misses me a lot...so at the moment, I think her sympathy is with him.

Do I try to keep her friendship? Like I said, she was my in with a fun social group at school...and this place is so cliquey I really enjoyed hanging out with that group. Will they feel like they have to choose him or me as a friend? At this point...it seems like they've chosen him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:04am
This really depends on the friend in question..... Usually after a break-up a few friends will drift towards being one person's friend and some will drift towards the other....but then there are usually the really good friends that will still try to be both people's friends that just try and stay out of the middle of things. What about this girl in question? Only time will tell. I would treat her like you always did....and very soon you'll be able to tell if she is still your friend or not! I would be sure not to tell her anything you don't want repeated though...as a precaution. Good luck!!!
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