Are we really broken up?
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| Thu, 12-27-2007 - 12:22am |
Hi board!
I am a lil confused and hoping some wise women out there can help out. My boyfriend and I broke up over the phone in early Dec. We were doing long distance and one night we were both feeling fed up and bam. He moved out his stuff. However, afterwards I visited him at his parents one last time and we acted like we were still a couple, hugging and kissing in front of all. One night when I said I was confused, he said "no, we're not together anymore". But then later he says next xmas i should bring my parents over to his parents house? we still talk on the phone everyday and he says 'i love you' and 'baby'.
we are broken up right? or are we lonely and can't move on? should i ask to break contact? I'm scared to confront him about my confusion because what if he's coming around and I ask and it scares him away? or what if he just says "no, we're not together anymore" again.

I think it's a big sign of immaturity.
When I was 18 or so, I dated a guy whom I knew it wasn't going to work out with. I finally broke up with him, yet called him everyday, even invited him over, visited his parents, kissed him, etc. The reason I did this? Even though I knew I didn't want to be with him, it was better than being alone. He would have done anything for me and I took advantage of him because of that (side note, folks: I truly regret this juvenile behavior on my part. I'm not like this anymore!)
Your ex has said it plain as day: you two are no longer together. But if he can still be with you and enjoy the good parts of your relationship without a commitment, he's all for it. Situations like these hardly EVER turn out favorable: you will just go through a lot more heartbreak than if you had just cut the ties from the original breakup. Also realize that you haven't even been broken up for a month. You are letting him have the best of both worlds. Please consider stopping contact with him until you are OVER him. Don't let him jerk you around like this. Good luck and God bless!
Welcome to the board j3une,
Yes, in my opinion you are really broken up.
Hi,
Don't fall for it.
dear board
thanks for all your advice. I have no delusions about the status of our relationship, which is we are both single people. also I won't kid myself into thinking this is temporary. Dec was a month of a lot of crying for me. I will be going back to school in a week and hope that it will be a fresh return with new distractions. I don't want to be the crazy girl who makes their ex go "thank god i broke up with her", or the one who makes sure all their friends know it was 'his' fault and 'his' loss.
I know I'm taking a risk, but I can't bring myself to do NC. He calls, I call, and because we know we won't see each other again for at least months, I know it's genuine. Maybe I'm stupid and I will be posting again with the tagline "We talked everyday and now he wants to stop due to new gf", but for now I like the things the way they are.
happy new year all!