Asked my middle-aged boyfriend to leave
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 08-06-2007 - 8:46pm |
Hi. My (ex?!) boyfriend and I are middle-aged. I knew him from a long time ago when we both were married to other people. We are both divorced and we got together in the beginning of this year. I met with him for lunch on a Saturday and by Monday he was professing his love for me. He lived with 3 other guys and I live in my own home. For the first month, he made me feel guilty about the 20 minute drive to and from his and my houses. So I caved in and let him move in within a month.
He paid the rent each month for me and I paid the rest of my bills. I quickly remembered how much I missed my alone time after being married for 20 years. I asked him to leave in May because I wanted to be able to have my teenage son's come over whenever they wanted and spend the night. He became so upset and mad at me, I once again became a cave woman and said I was sorry and that he could stay. In June, my mom was very sick and almost died twice over a 6 week period and that caused me alot of stress because I am the only daughter that lives in the area and I take care of her every need, when she needs anything. I had a trip planned and the ex got mad at me because I didn't call him or email him as much as he wanted. I was using my cell minutes and internet time to keep in contact with my sister re: one of the times mom almost died during the week I was gone. When I would come home from work, then seeing mom at rehab and seeing my kids, I would be exhausted and really didn't want to talk about anything. So I shut the ex out most of the time. I just wanted to rest.
I finally got up the courage and left ex a note about a week and a half ago and I said that I really needed alone time and that I needed to work through my issues and it wasn't fair for him to have to go through this with me. He moved out last week. At one point he left me a note saying that by my kicking him out that he would have to live in a motel. I'm sure he could/has moved in with friends temporarilly. Between the day I gave him the letter and the day he left we had bad days and good days. The day before he left, we were cuddling on the couch and he said he loved me multiple times and asked me if he should wait a few months to call me. I said he could always call me because I hoped we could be friends. He did say that we would never live together again, even if it is 10 years down the road. He said I f'd that up. The day he moved out, (I was at work) he left my key, which was good. That night though, he sent me a text message saying this "You don't know ho much you have F'd up my life". I truly feel bad so I sent back a message saying "I know you don't believe me however, I truly am sorry". I received a text message right back saying "F U" (It was spelled out!) How rude! I didn't respond and thank goodness haven't heard from him. I imagine that he might have gone out with a few friends and had some drinks.
I wonder if he will try to contact me again. He was truly head over heels in love with me and wanted to be together forever. I loved him too, however, at this point in my life, I need to concentrate on mom and my kids, then myself. Can you please give me some words of encouragement to stop my from always caving in? I'm so mad that he text messaged that rude saying!
How do I be strong and not fall in the same old trap with him if he calls?
I have been staying busy the past few days and reconnecting with friends that I have put on the back burner for 5 months. It really feels good.

Welcome to the board funandsun63,
Well, from the moment I read "I met with him for lunch on a Saturday and by Monday he was professing his love for me." He moved too fast.
This part
I think the nasty text messages were his way of dealing with the hurt. I'm sure he's humiliated and heartbroken because you dumped him. It probably hurt his ego. But from what you posted, it appears he has some insecurity issues - definitely! I think you did the right thing in ending it. You have more important things to concentrate on. Good luck to you!