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| Sun, 06-03-2007 - 6:59pm |
I went to the party last night for our clients, mine and my ex. I hoped beyond hope that he wouldn't be there, with or without the girl. It was tough, socializing on my own, people trying to place who I was without him at my side. I promised myself I'd go to this party and then after dig in to some hard core grieving/healing/ moving on. My son is out of town for a week with his father, so I can finally cry as much as I want. This piece of business has kept me in contact with the ex. I have been happy, upbeat and downright chipper with him. It makes me want to puke.
Seems I want to cry alot.
One nice thing happened last night. When I got to the party I immediatley found the man we work with. He knew about the break up already, as he and my ex are very good friends.
He gave me a big hug and told me he loved us both and that he wouldn't get involved, he would still be friends to us both. That meant so much. Another person came over and said that my timing was good, my ex and his date wouldn't be there till later. He said he expected me to have a date. Just then the dear sweet man we work with leaned over, took my arm and said "you will not go unadorned". I cannot tell you how that means! He is a happily married man, I know his wife, so his offer was out of genuine care and friendship. I don't want to put him in the middle of this. He was my ex's friend first.
I was pretty good all night. Enjoyed the music, our client performed and it was comforting. My ex didn't show, which didn't surprise me. When he is in a new relationship he pretty much lets everything else go. It was a nice evening, but I was
anxious most of the time.
I started my grieving on the way home. Cried and cried. I started my 30 days no contact yesterday. Now that the party is behind me it is time to get on with the business of making myself better. I've cried today so hard that I fell asleep, which is good because I haven't been sleeping much.
During my nap the phone rang....guess who? Calling from his cell, which means he was most likely calling from her place. I didn't answer. I won't answer. I'm sure he was calling about the party, or under the guise of that when he really just wanted to rub my face in his happiness.
Why does he want to keep hurting me? He is the one who cheated, he is the one who broke up. Why does he want to hurt me?
Day two, NC. My grieving starts now, when I'm done I can start to live again, better than before ready to love again.

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I am on Day 4 of the no contact 30 days - so I'm glad you mentioned that! The first time I tried this I didn't even make it to 2 days so I'm taking courage from your example and this time I know I will make it, and like you, I'll be the better for it at the end and ready to properly move on.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your kind words! I don't feel very strong right now, but I'm doing the best I can. I know this may sound strange, but there is a part of me that hoped he didn't show out of some last little bit of respect he had for me, but I know that he just didn't want to get out of bed with her. What is kinda nice is that we never left each other messages when we called. If we saw the other persons number on our caller ID, you just called back, no need to leave a message. So, right now I am in control, because I am not calling him back. Not much to go on, but somehow it makes me feel better.
You can do this, we can both do this. We can be strong, not because of them, but because of us. We are worth it. If you're feeling a weak moment jump onto the board and we can work through it together. I'll do the same. Just think, if we make out 30 days we'll finish right around the 4th of July, Independence Day!
Lets work together to get there and when the day comes the fireworks will be for us!!!!!!!!!!
Asutherngrl
I am currently going a similiar situation. I recently broke up with someone who was also my co-worker. It has been a couple of months now but it was not until last month that I had to decided to really let go. The hard part for me now is trying to avoid him and his new girlfriend (who also works in the same building). I do have to agree that maintaining your dignity is most important. In one of my least dignified moments, I confronted him to talk about our situation. Although I knew it would not change the situation I did feel better as I was able to vent some of my pent up frustrations. After that conversation, I stopped all interaction with him and made it a point to avoid him at all cost - even if that meant I would have to walk and extra 5 minutes out of the way to get to where I needed to go at work. He has contacted me in the past month or so and I would start to build false hope. BIG MISTAKE! I have now reinstated NC and keep my head held high if I happen to bump into them. (I keep telling myself to not let them see you sweat) =0).
I still hurt very much everyday as my ex was a very close friends for 5 years before we started dating. I am upset that we are no longer friends and that there is no possibility to reestablish that friendship. I am currently on Day 3 of NC and feel a little better everyday. I have learned that it is OK to feel the emotions that I am feeling and cry whenever I need to cry. I just look forward to the day when I can see him and have no emotions for him.
Amen sister! I can't wait for the day when I can wake up and not think about him or the breakup. Our situations are very similar, I have known my ex for 30 yrs, been friends always, lovers sometimes when we were younger, then this past long term committed (*ha* thats a laugh, I was the only one committed, and for that I should be!) He was my closest friend. I don't know if I can ever be friends with him again, friends don't pull up in a white SUV being driven by a girl after being out all night, and then kiss her right in front of you (only on the cheek, but still)
My problem is that I know he will be back, it is a 30 year pattern. I'd go months or even years without hearing from him and then *poof* there he'd be. He will be back. I just have to be ready to tell him to get lost when he does. This board helps. Its gonna be tough, he was my first love, I've been carrying a torch for him since I was 14. I fell in love with other people during that time, got married, but he was always in my heart. Now it is time to move past that and get him out of there! I think I need an exorcist!
I've been through some ugly stuff in my 44 years on this earth and this isn't the worst. But breaking this old habit is goin to take every bit of strength I have. Today is day 3 NC. Betcha he will call by day 7. Scum sucking pig.
Don't know what I'd do without everyone here to vent to. Its gotta get easier. We all can make it through this, we just have to make it through that 30 days.
(((((((((hugs to us all))))))))))))
In response to
:He was my closest friend. I don't know if I can ever be friends with him again, friends don't pull up in a white SUV being driven by a girl after being out all night, and then kiss her right in front of you (only on the cheek, but still):
I would just like to use the words of J. Aniston - “There’s a sensitivity chip that’s missing.” :)
I have had the same thing happen to me. My ex would flaunt his new GF in front me like it was nothing. (PS he started dating her 4 days after he broke up with me) Many times I ran the image of just ramming his head through a door in my head. That always made me feel better.
I agree with you - that my ex will come back if it is only to just keep tabs. Although I no it is no longer healthy to be associated with my ex - I know it will be hard to cut all ties.
Mine broke up with me after he started seeing white SUV girl. Now he's off in new relationship bliss with her. Poor girl, I have to wonder how he explained the girl in the red bathrobe on his deck. He's already lied to her.
LOL! I don't feel so insane now! Everytime I drive past my ex's house I picture him running out in the road and me speeding up and watching him go splat! It always makes me smile.
Know whats really bugging me? I left a necklace he gave me at his house and I know that he is going to re-gift it to her. Its killing me. Know what else? When he dropped off my stuff (made him do it when I wasn't home) not all of it was there, a few select undergarments are missing. His favorites. Suppose he'll re-gift those? Lowlife dirtbag. He can keep the panties. I want the jewlery back.
AHHH, the gifts.
I have gone though the same thoughts about the gifts he had given me and what I had given him. I know you want the necklace back becuase it has sentimental value, but I think you may have to just let that one go. I had given my ex a very nice (expensive) mp3 player right before we split. I wanted to tell him to give it back so many times. I also have a necklace that he gave me with expressions of love behind it. When we split I wanted to return it, but I stopped myself. I do not wear it anymore becuase it brings back too many memories. Is there anything else of sentimental value that you can hold on to or look at when you need to? If he plans to re-gift it..do you question that it meant anything to him when he gave it to you? Then again, he may just keep it tucked away for himeself as remembrance - like your undergarments..
I have lots of things he has given me over the years. Until yesterday I wore the Tiffany necklace and bracelets he gave me. I don't want the gifts I gave him back, not even sure I really want the necklace back, I think it is just a territory thing. I don't want her in my space. But it isn't my space anymore, it is hers. Let him give her the necklace, hopefully someone will call him out on it.
I suppose that giving up a few material things isn't so bad, if we get our self respect back by letting it go.
Found this posted on the boards...not sure if you have read it.
But it made a lot of sense and helped me a lot too...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1
I haven't read that in a couple of weeks. Thanks for posting the link. It does make so much sense. I'm doing nothing right now! I'm not calling or emailing or anything! He can keep waiting for a call or an email, it ain't coming!
I am going to keep doing nothing!
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