Back to Day 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Back to Day 1
13
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 6:59pm

I went to the party last night for our clients, mine and my ex. I hoped beyond hope that he wouldn't be there, with or without the girl. It was tough, socializing on my own, people trying to place who I was without him at my side. I promised myself I'd go to this party and then after dig in to some hard core grieving/healing/ moving on. My son is out of town for a week with his father, so I can finally cry as much as I want. This piece of business has kept me in contact with the ex. I have been happy, upbeat and downright chipper with him. It makes me want to puke.

Seems I want to cry alot.

One nice thing happened last night. When I got to the party I immediatley found the man we work with. He knew about the break up already, as he and my ex are very good friends.
He gave me a big hug and told me he loved us both and that he wouldn't get involved, he would still be friends to us both. That meant so much. Another person came over and said that my timing was good, my ex and his date wouldn't be there till later. He said he expected me to have a date. Just then the dear sweet man we work with leaned over, took my arm and said "you will not go unadorned". I cannot tell you how that means! He is a happily married man, I know his wife, so his offer was out of genuine care and friendship. I don't want to put him in the middle of this. He was my ex's friend first.

I was pretty good all night. Enjoyed the music, our client performed and it was comforting. My ex didn't show, which didn't surprise me. When he is in a new relationship he pretty much lets everything else go. It was a nice evening, but I was
anxious most of the time.

I started my grieving on the way home. Cried and cried. I started my 30 days no contact yesterday. Now that the party is behind me it is time to get on with the business of making myself better. I've cried today so hard that I fell asleep, which is good because I haven't been sleeping much.

During my nap the phone rang....guess who? Calling from his cell, which means he was most likely calling from her place. I didn't answer. I won't answer. I'm sure he was calling about the party, or under the guise of that when he really just wanted to rub my face in his happiness.

Why does he want to keep hurting me? He is the one who cheated, he is the one who broke up. Why does he want to hurt me?

Day two, NC. My grieving starts now, when I'm done I can start to live again, better than before ready to love again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
In reply to: asutherngrl
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:40am

Asutherngurl - need your honest opinion since we have similar situations..

I was doing very good with 2 weeks of NC. As I stated before, my ex and I work in the same building and we do bump into each at times. Well on Friday, I had plan to go out to lunch with a group of co-workers. The restuarant we frequent is in walking distance. I told my co-worker that I would just meet her in the hallway by the office (where my ex works) but would not go in. She agreed and as I headed up I saw her and we just left. As I was walking by I see this head pop up..and guess who it is - the ex. I continue on my way down the hall and just feel someone behind us..again it's the ex.. We left the building behind us and we did not speak to each other. I felt like a had a small victory.. Well I return from lunch feeling really good that I was able to get through lunch without having to even give him a polite hello. Around 2:30, I am sitting at my desk and I pick up..who is it? - the ex. For whatever reason (I guess emotional recall) I talked with him for about 30 minutes about absolutely nothing - just work. I left work feeling like I had regressed. So the following week I restarted NC. Now, I am in the cafeteria and guess who shoes up - the ex and a coworker. Well I acknowledge the co-worker who he is was and just kind of looked at my ex. I was hoping he would just continue about his business but he decides to approach me. He asks me if he could have a few dollars and I told him I do not have any money to give. He continues to stand there and he says he will pay me back. We go back and forth for a minute and I break and hand him a few dollars - why I do not know. I have come to find out that he did'nt even use the money - just took it. Now I am wondering if he was doing this to play with me? Did he want to see if he could still get to me and get away with things? I am a little puzzled by it. I am not in search of getting the money back just wondering why he would go out of his way to do that? What't your opinion??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
In reply to: asutherngrl
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:51am
Wow, how strange. I think maybe it is a control thing. Maybe he's thinking "See what I can make her do? I still have all the power." Forget the money, call it your "stupid tax" and go on. If I were you I'd start packing my lunch and eating in my office or outside under a nice shade tree, at least for the duration of the 30 days. You'll save tons of money and heartache. Invite your coworker and have a picnic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
In reply to: asutherngrl
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:58am

Thanks! I kind of figured it was a power issue.

I think brown bagging it for awhile is a good idea..

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