Back to Reality

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Back to Reality
2
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:49pm
I've read alot of posts on these boards about going back to the ex-, only to break up again. I've never got back together with anyone, post a break-up, but was wondering if it were at all possible, could it be successful the "second time around"

These "break up to make up, then break up again" posts have really helped to keep me rooted in reality, and I now accept that I'm in his past, as he is in mine. I was feeling bad about enforcing the NC rule (3 weeks strong, but hurting still). I miss him, but now I REALLY accept the fact that we're not getting back together, and if he calls, it will only be because of guilt (and who needs that?). For the record, he hasn't called me either. We have spoken only once (1 week after the ax) and he told me he had been thinking of me, but didn't call sooner because he wanted to respect my feelings, and my NC rule! I'm sure my not calling or emailing him has made this the cleanest break he has ever experienced!

Over these last few days, I wanted to call so bad (for what I have no idea), but by hearing his voice, laughing at his jokes, and pretending that I'm his friend, I will only be picking at "still open" wounds.

Judging from your posts (and what I know from experience as well), the dumpers tend to move on rather quickly (some may have already started the process while we were in the relationships with them). The less I know about his life, the better at this point. The last time he heard my voice, I was strong and positive. One day, hopefully soon, I'll catch up to my mask.

Posting here helps me in some odd way. I don't know any of you, but I look forward to reading your stories and sharing my own.

Thanks again for the reality check!

-Izuri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2004
In reply to: i_zuri
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 7:56pm
You are really on the right track, congratulations! Everything you said is right on the mark. I enforced the NC rule for 4 straight months, then just recently slipped up and responded to one of his cards that said how much he missed me. The minute I responded, he seemed to back away. And now - it just hurts again. NC is very difficult, but it seems the best (the only) thing to do. I'm struggling with it, and the sadness and disappointment that seemed to fade somewhat and now comes back on me when I realize that there's not going to be any reconciliation. Reading these posts has helped me, too. Whenever I feel really blue, I read them, and I usually feel a bit better. To better days ahead!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: i_zuri
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 9:55pm
Of course it helps to post here--sharing feelings is step one in the healing process according to MarsVenus.com. Step two is grieving your loss and step three becoming whole again. It took me a LOOOOONG time to get over the break-up with my ex. The reason was because I did not go through experiencing anger--primarily because I was hoping we would get back together. MarsVenus calls anger a healing emotion because it allows us experience what has happened that we didn't want to happen. The other healing emotions are: fear, sadness and sorrow. It sounds weird, but the secret to letting go of a love is to allow yourself to feel.

You sound like a strong, wise person and I'm sure you will get through this and heal and be ready for a new (and BETTER!) relationship.

Take care!