back to square one again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
back to square one again
2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 6:32am
I saw my ex last night. We met up because we agreed to be friends and it's been working out ok, until he said he misses me and started to kiss me. I should have told him to stop it because he broke my heart and if he really missed me that much he would add on, "I want you back" but of course he didn't. I've let all this get to me and now I feel worse. the whole situation just hurts so much because I know I could have avoided this but I still love him and the time we spent together only reminded me of how much chemistry we have-- but not enough for him to want to get married after dating me for a few years. I know if I told him that we can't act like this if we're going to be friends that we would actually have to cut off all contact but I honestly don't know what would hurt more-- staying in touch or never ever seeing him again. I don't understand how he can act that way with me seeing that I still love him but not want to compromise and try to make it all work. if someone wants you badly enough, they should want to marry you at some point, no? it hurts to feel like he's really thinking "I love you, I miss you, but not enough to make a solid commitment and pledge to be with you forever." maybe i just really need to tell him this, then add on, and how on earth can i let myself get hurt even more by being intimate with you!?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 9:13am

iv_sunnygirl...

Pianoguy has a question for you:

"Knowing that this man is capable of 'pushing your buttons' and getting a reaction from you (happy, sad, whatever)....is BEING FRIENDS THIS SOON AFTER A BREAK-UP A WISE IDEA?"

With distance...you have adequate time to sort past feelings out....good and bad. After that, you've acquired a little strength, wisdom and fortitude to decide if FRIENDSHIP with a former partner is HONESTLY WORTH IT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 10:58am
You deserve to be with someone who wants to share there life with you. If your ex isn't ready for that, then you have to accept that, and move on. I know it's hard, especially when you still love that person. But I can tell you, if you still have feelings for him, and you continue a friendship, you will never be free from him, or move on. You can't be friends with an ex, after a break up. Like Pianoguy said, you need time and distance a part before friendship can be established. Once you do that, friendship may not be something you want. You have to have NC with him, before you do anything. If you don't, you'll be putting yourself thru a vicious emotional cycle, that won't ever stop, and in the end, you still be hurt and it will be hard to move on. Be by yourself for awhile, and go find that man, who wants to share there life with you. You deserve nothing less!!!