bad days of the week. help!=(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
bad days of the week. help!=(
4
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 9:09pm
there are certain days that are almost impossible for me to get through.. also, times of the day. thursday is one of them. i know that my ex works until 5, and since we don't have class until 12 tomorrow, he goes out with friends (and i suspect girls) on this day.... i feel like i am having an anxiety attack when i think about all the possible things he might be doing... i haven't cried since sunday, but i find myself sitting here RIGHT NOW crying as i type this. it is so hard for me to accept that we are no longer together. it is hard for me to accept that he has moved on and is out doing his thing witout me tonight. i hate it

saturdays are also SO hard... he gets off work at 4 and usually goes out with friends, but recently i found out (from him...) that he goes to visit his new "love interest" (although he claims he doesn't like her, and only wants to be friends.. and doesn't see anything happening between them) she lives an hour away, and he drives there to see her.. then he stays until like 3 or 4 and drives back. i don't know why he felt the need to tell me this, but now that i know, saturdays are KILLER for me. its all i can think about from about 4:00 until i go to sleep. weekdays up until thursday are alright, because i know if he is out doing something, he won't be out too late, and it will probably be just with his friends..

why is this so hard? why do i still have such strong feelings for him after not being together for 3 months.. i thought it was supposed to get easier, but it just seems to get harder and harder every day.

i am just so lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 9:39pm
I completely understand what you are going through. My guy broke it off about 2 months ago, and for the longest time I had those bad days of the week. The weekends were hard for me, so I would escape to my parents' home and leave my cell phone at my house so he couldn't find me. I just had to lock out the world for awhile. When weekends came up where I knew we would have had specific plans if we had still been together (i.e., football games, weddings, etc.), I couldn't stay by myself. I'd go see the family or make plans with my friends. It is getting easier, but it is still hard. I wonder what he is doing on the weekends, and what new girl he has found. It completely sucks! The first few weekends after the breakup, he would call me and leave messages. When I didn't return his calls, he would e-mail me at work. He knew I would be there, so I couldn't shut him out. He drove me crazy for the longest time, but 3 weeks ago we had a major blowout via e-mail. He then apologized for everything he had said or done that hurt me, and said he wanted us to talk someday without all the fighting. I haven't talked to him since. We even work in the same building, so we have those chances to run into each other, but we haven't yet. Now I wonder what he is doing because he has stopped all contact. I saw his friend yesterday, and completely ignored him because I just couldn't go there. I've cut off all contact because of pride. I don't want him to know that I think of him or still have feelings for him. I'm being as strong as possible, but it is tough.

After all that rambling, here is my advice -- get out and do something! Call your friends and go to the movies, go shopping, go out to dinner. Just do anything other than sitting at home. If the nights are hard for you, stay with a friend or family. Get you some good self-help books. "Why Men Love Bitches" is awesome and will make you feel tough. "He's Just Not That Into You" is also good, and is a big hit right now. Rent some chick-flicks (Bridget Jones is my favorite) and get some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Go to the spa if you have one near you and treat yourself. Get some No Doubt cd's. Gwen Stefani's lyrics are totally geared to getting over rotten boys! My point is, do something that makes you feel good. Don't let this boy get you down! I've done all of the above over the past two months, and it has helped me get strong. It's still hard, and my ex is still the cutest thing I've ever seen, but it all boils down to he is a jerk and not worth my time. I'm sure it's the same with your ex.

Be strong and take care of yourself!! Good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 10:39pm
I'm sorry that you are having problems getting through your break-up. I know they can be very hard and that *IS* why we're here afterall. I think your ex is making things harder for you on purpose. I think it's very insensitive for him to tell you he goes to see his new....whatever she is on Saturdays. I suspect he only told you to drive you nuts....which is exactly what it's doing. Who knows if he really even goes or not.....but as long as you're worried about it or he thinks you are then he's happy. From the sounds of it, you're much better off without him. I know it may not seem like it now but I think you'll be happier in the long run. It sounds like the two of you are still talking......if so, that could be why you're having so much trouble getting over him. I suggest cutting all contact with him....it will help you to quit holding on to some glimmer of hope that he'll come back, you won't have to hear his voice and think of all the good times and after you haven't talked to him in awhile you'll be able to think with a clear head. Good luck and keep us posted....we're here if you need us!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:56am
You're still having such a hard time because you're still in touch with him. Don't talk to him anymore and don't have any contact with him whatsoever and you'll begin to feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 9:28am
I know how you feel...

I used to feel really jealous over my ex's new girlfriend. They started dating right after we broke up--it's now been almost 6 months. At first I told myself that she was just a "rebound girl" but now I'm starting to think that maybe they will stay together. And you know what? That's alright...

When we first broke up, my ex tried to keep me on the back burner and unfortunately, I let him. He was still telling me how much he loved me, how he wanted to end up with me someday, how he wasn't sure about this new girl, etc...so I did the worst possible thing for my pride. I told him that he could spend time with her in order to find out who he truly wanted to be with...so he would spend days, entire weeks with her and then contact me immediately after she left (they were long-distance in the summer due to her internship job).

I HATED knowing that he was with her...that they were doing all these cute things I had wanted to do with him, that they were sleeping together and growing closer by the minute. I felt so helpless and sick at the thought of him with another girl. Like you, I knew his schedule very well...and he always kept me well-informed as to when she was coming/leaving his place. She was gone most of the week, but would always come visit him on the weekends...I used to dread the weekends because of this. And to top it all off, he would always tell me all these stories about how much fun they had together and how much he was starting to like her...

He had me exactly where he wanted me...in limbo, waiting for him to make a decision. To make a long story short, we ended up getting into a huge fight and things ended for good. Up until that fight, he was still telling me that he loved me, etc...but after our fight, he began acting very cruel towards me. He told me that he had just been "playing a role" and it was all a game to him...that he didn't actually love me, etc. Needless to say, we haven't talked much since (although I tried to keep in contact with him for a long time). Things ended very badly for us.

But I've been feeling a LOT better. I guess what I'm trying to stress here is the importance of time. You WILL heal...you will feel better, and stronger over time. You have to be patient...and realize that you will have many good & bad days. But eventually the good days take over the bad...and eventually you will realize that everything happens for a reason--that your breakup was for the best. Now, I don't know if your ex was anything like mine (a liar/cheater)--but I can honestly say that although I still miss having him in my life at times, I find comfort in knowing that I truly AM better off without him. He did me a favor...and it took me awhile to realize that, but I did it. And you will too.

It took me a long time to realize & accept this, but somebody on this discussion board pointed out to me one day that it wasn't my ex that I really missed...it was love. It was having companionship, feeling like somebody cared...the good times we shared. I was foolish enough to only think of those times...I conveniently forgot all of the bad in our relationship. It's amazing how wonderful a person can seem after you are no longer with them...I guess it's just human nature to want what we don't have. But you can't dwell on that. You've got to move on--he did. I've realized that it isn't so much that I miss my ex, but I miss having a boyfriend. And I'm jealous that he moved on and found someone else before I did.

If you're still having any contact with your ex, please stop. I know it's extremely difficult...but it makes your healing process go a lot more smoothly. That way you can concentrate on YOURSELF. You deserve better than to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you. You have a lot more to experience in life and you will someday find that special guy who is perfect for you. I know it's going to be hard, but try not to think about your ex and what he's up to...you're only torturing yourself. I'm sure you are a strong, capable woman and you will come out of this even stronger in the end...I promise. Just give it more time...be patient :) and take care of yourself! <3

"But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too."

"To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have."

"Loving someone is gonna hurt, and the sooner you let yourself feel that, the sooner you'll be able to love again."

"In life, you have two loves ..one who changes the way you see yourself and the world and the other who puts you back together...after you have lost the first."