bad days of the week. help!=(
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| Thu, 10-28-2004 - 9:09pm |
saturdays are also SO hard... he gets off work at 4 and usually goes out with friends, but recently i found out (from him...) that he goes to visit his new "love interest" (although he claims he doesn't like her, and only wants to be friends.. and doesn't see anything happening between them) she lives an hour away, and he drives there to see her.. then he stays until like 3 or 4 and drives back. i don't know why he felt the need to tell me this, but now that i know, saturdays are KILLER for me. its all i can think about from about 4:00 until i go to sleep. weekdays up until thursday are alright, because i know if he is out doing something, he won't be out too late, and it will probably be just with his friends..
why is this so hard? why do i still have such strong feelings for him after not being together for 3 months.. i thought it was supposed to get easier, but it just seems to get harder and harder every day.
i am just so lost

After all that rambling, here is my advice -- get out and do something! Call your friends and go to the movies, go shopping, go out to dinner. Just do anything other than sitting at home. If the nights are hard for you, stay with a friend or family. Get you some good self-help books. "Why Men Love Bitches" is awesome and will make you feel tough. "He's Just Not That Into You" is also good, and is a big hit right now. Rent some chick-flicks (Bridget Jones is my favorite) and get some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Go to the spa if you have one near you and treat yourself. Get some No Doubt cd's. Gwen Stefani's lyrics are totally geared to getting over rotten boys! My point is, do something that makes you feel good. Don't let this boy get you down! I've done all of the above over the past two months, and it has helped me get strong. It's still hard, and my ex is still the cutest thing I've ever seen, but it all boils down to he is a jerk and not worth my time. I'm sure it's the same with your ex.
Be strong and take care of yourself!! Good luck :)
I used to feel really jealous over my ex's new girlfriend. They started dating right after we broke up--it's now been almost 6 months. At first I told myself that she was just a "rebound girl" but now I'm starting to think that maybe they will stay together. And you know what? That's alright...
When we first broke up, my ex tried to keep me on the back burner and unfortunately, I let him. He was still telling me how much he loved me, how he wanted to end up with me someday, how he wasn't sure about this new girl, etc...so I did the worst possible thing for my pride. I told him that he could spend time with her in order to find out who he truly wanted to be with...so he would spend days, entire weeks with her and then contact me immediately after she left (they were long-distance in the summer due to her internship job).
I HATED knowing that he was with her...that they were doing all these cute things I had wanted to do with him, that they were sleeping together and growing closer by the minute. I felt so helpless and sick at the thought of him with another girl. Like you, I knew his schedule very well...and he always kept me well-informed as to when she was coming/leaving his place. She was gone most of the week, but would always come visit him on the weekends...I used to dread the weekends because of this. And to top it all off, he would always tell me all these stories about how much fun they had together and how much he was starting to like her...
He had me exactly where he wanted me...in limbo, waiting for him to make a decision. To make a long story short, we ended up getting into a huge fight and things ended for good. Up until that fight, he was still telling me that he loved me, etc...but after our fight, he began acting very cruel towards me. He told me that he had just been "playing a role" and it was all a game to him...that he didn't actually love me, etc. Needless to say, we haven't talked much since (although I tried to keep in contact with him for a long time). Things ended very badly for us.
But I've been feeling a LOT better. I guess what I'm trying to stress here is the importance of time. You WILL heal...you will feel better, and stronger over time. You have to be patient...and realize that you will have many good & bad days. But eventually the good days take over the bad...and eventually you will realize that everything happens for a reason--that your breakup was for the best. Now, I don't know if your ex was anything like mine (a liar/cheater)--but I can honestly say that although I still miss having him in my life at times, I find comfort in knowing that I truly AM better off without him. He did me a favor...and it took me awhile to realize that, but I did it. And you will too.
It took me a long time to realize & accept this, but somebody on this discussion board pointed out to me one day that it wasn't my ex that I really missed...it was love. It was having companionship, feeling like somebody cared...the good times we shared. I was foolish enough to only think of those times...I conveniently forgot all of the bad in our relationship. It's amazing how wonderful a person can seem after you are no longer with them...I guess it's just human nature to want what we don't have. But you can't dwell on that. You've got to move on--he did. I've realized that it isn't so much that I miss my ex, but I miss having a boyfriend. And I'm jealous that he moved on and found someone else before I did.
If you're still having any contact with your ex, please stop. I know it's extremely difficult...but it makes your healing process go a lot more smoothly. That way you can concentrate on YOURSELF. You deserve better than to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you. You have a lot more to experience in life and you will someday find that special guy who is perfect for you. I know it's going to be hard, but try not to think about your ex and what he's up to...you're only torturing yourself. I'm sure you are a strong, capable woman and you will come out of this even stronger in the end...I promise. Just give it more time...be patient :) and take care of yourself! <3
"But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too."
"To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have."
"Loving someone is gonna hurt, and the sooner you let yourself feel that, the sooner you'll be able to love again."
"In life, you have two loves ..one who changes the way you see yourself and the world and the other who puts you back together...after you have lost the first."