Bad me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Bad me!!!
8
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:18pm
Why oh why did I have to mess up my NINE months of NC? I posted earlier this week about seeing him on the news. I decided it'd be harmless to send him a friendly, but very short email telling him that I saw him. I guess no answer back is better than him emailing me back, and cussing me out. I still feel so stupid though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: alittleafraid
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:38pm
don't be so hard on yourself. you clearly had been doing a very good job of keeping no contact and working on moving on. you slipped up. but luckily, he did not respond. i think it is best he did not, so you will not get sucked in again and send another or chat with him, etc. it was prob really shocking to see him on tv after all of this time, and made you miss him. i have not seen or heard from my ex in a little over 7 weeks. i keep wondering how i would react if i ran into him at the grocery store or something. i have images of myself running out of the store, or starting to cry in front of him. as much as i want to run into him and see him, i know it would just be painful for me. you got caught off guard. you broke down for a bit. just get back to doing what you were doing. don't chastise yourself. no reason to. you're human.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: alittleafraid
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 10:13pm

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start the counter over.... we've all done something like that.


#1 Rule - every time you feel the need to contact (email, call, text, IM) wait 24 hours before acting on those feelings, because 9 times out of 10, after the 24 hours your feelings are will be different.






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
In reply to: alittleafraid
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 12:43pm

" i keep wondering how i would react if i ran into him at the grocery store or something. i have images of myself running out of the store, or starting to cry in front of him"

Ugh. Me, too. It's an inevitablility that we will run into one another eventually. How can I deal??? When I almost ran into him the other night because I heard we was coming down to a community event, my self-esteem plummeted and I could barely function. I left rather than start crying in front of everyone! What am I going to do if I see him somewhere and I can't help crying? Ugh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: alittleafraid
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 7:30pm
I have been told that running into the ex is one of the best things to help you get over them. Maybe when your face to face, in the flesh, you finally realize that it's over. They don't love you and/or you don't love them as much as you thought you did. I have yet to experience this, I almost wish I would.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: alittleafraid
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 2:57pm

I think it really depends on the person or how far along you are. Too bad there's no logical formula to this. I have a friend for whom this works, but I think it's more because the ex inevitably will start begging her back and she doesn't like emotionally available men.

However, I WILL say that I ran into my ex last week and it's been 4 -5 months after our break up and it was sort of nothing. We saw each other in passing, but whatever spark I had for him is gone. I kept gearing up for that sharp pain I used to feel and instead there's just this empty indifference. But my point is, there IS HOPE! And plus, I'm sure none of you broken down and cried after 'contacting' him, so improvement from before!

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
In reply to: alittleafraid
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 8:37pm

Don't be so hard on yourself! Although it may feel like it, you didn't undo all the work and progress you've made over the past 9 months. You're not calling him, hanging outside where he works or lives, trying to find out how he's doing through mutual friends, you simply sent him a brief message to let him know that you saw him on TV. Unless you were begging him to come back or telling him you miss him, it's really quite harmless. Focus on what you DIDN'T do instead of what you DID do. All the best, and hang in there!


hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
In reply to: alittleafraid
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 2:40pm
I'm not sure how long it's been since your breakup, but I don't think you should worry too much about crying in front of him. If your feelings are still strong, you may be too much in shock to do anything like that. If not, you may have the great experience (it's happened to me in the past) of seeing the guy after a while and wondering, what was I thinking??? In my case it had been a few months and the guy had grown a beard and I am so not a fan of the mountain-man look. As I walked out of the store all I could think was ewwww. It was a good day for me. You might surprise yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
In reply to: alittleafraid
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 3:59pm

hey look at it this way, if you were casual about it, it looks more like you are over him