BAD SETBACK

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
BAD SETBACK
2
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 7:09am

Hi everyone,

I am so upset with myself. Quick snapshot: 3+ years LD/May Dec. We split amicably in Sept. as he wanted to have sex when we were apart with some chick who gives it to him without the bennies. Also I was not happy due to long standing issues and well, it had run its course. Some days I was fine with NC. We saw each other 4 weeks into the breakup and had goodbye sex and a wonderful week. Then back to NC on occassion. He had a hard time with it. He had a hard time when he knew I was casually dating again. I have a hard time with him being with this sex buddy. On and on...We still have strong feelings and still love each other. But..we know it's time to end it. It's been a rollercoaster.

He called Thur. and was very flirty and asked if he could see me (he lives in another city)..was very provactive. I told him I did not want to engage in this conversation and we laughed and hung up. Of COURSE I am thrilled to know he wants me..it fed my ego. But it also confuses me.

Yesterday I was working and I had this moment of anxiety and suspected he was with her (I know his day to day sked and know on Fridays they both are near each other (my ex returned to college as an adult of 24 years and she is near him at her college she is 20) so DUH, I called. He was polite and cordial and said he could not talk. I called back and became a teen age jealous screaming Mimi. I flipped and told him not to &^%$ with my head and ask to get together not to flirt..blah blah..I told him never to call or email. I actually called 4 times..(I kept hanging up). Man, he was patient the whole time.

I sent him a text at night apologizing for my behavior. Is that enough? I do NOT want to call..should I?? I do not have to see him til April so I am good there..HELP..

BAD SET BACK

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
In reply to: wannaheal
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 7:48am

Hi, I was up and saw your message- I am so sorry about your setback. But no, I don't think you need to do anything else at all about this. I would just try to move on- of course you'll be thinking about it today, but try to distract yourself a bit.

We're human, with real emotions, and sometimes things happen. Forgive yourself, and hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
In reply to: wannaheal
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 1:35pm

I think this is a prime example why no contact means no contact. Don't call him, he played a game and it didn't work out in his favor at that moment. You sent him an email apologizing and that should suffice. If you call him or allow him to contact you, you will just set in motion this process over and over again. You need to take care of number one and allow yourself to move on. You deserve better than he is capable of giving.
I would just sit back for a moment and ask yourself if you truly believe that his flirtations really had anything to do with you -- or if it was an ego-driven attempt on his part for some attention. I am not implying that it was some cold and calculating action on his part, but more of an impulsive "this makes me feel good at this moment" action. Humans do this all the time and rarely does it have anything to do with the other person - at least not on a true caring level. Hang in there and don't be hard on yourself -- you should be your own best friend.

Lois