Being the bad guy
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-27-2007 - 7:22pm |
I've never been here before but I looked over several things and thought this might be a nice anonymous place to speak my mind.
My fiance and I had been together for five years, nearly...last November he proposed and I accepted. In the past few months since we've moved in together, he's become increasingly unreliable as far as our financial situation is concerned. I ended up paying for the payment on my own engagement ring several times. Once I stopped, his bill went into collections. I decided to get my own bank account as he overdrew ours several times.
For a month (at least) I had been thinking, "I'm only twenty-one years old. Is this it?" I try to envision a future with this person and he simply is not an adult. I'm completely independent from my parents and he clings to his desperately. I made the decision to focus on my schoolwork (as I'm in college right now) and it bothered him so much that he asked if he should move out.
Later on I found out that was some sick mindgame he was playing to get me to say, "No, I don't want you to move out!" but instead I agreed with him and told him it was a good idea. He's staying with a friend until things get figured out...but I'm trying my best to distance myself from him so I can move on...but he doesn't want to break up. I figure it's an all or nothing concept, isn't it? And if so, does that make me a horrible person? In my heart I think the decision that I made was the right one to make, but I still feel horrible.
I just feel like I'm too young to settle down and that if I have a chance at being successful at all in this world that I can't stay with someone who is going to hold me back, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Is that wrong?

Welcome to the board snowball26,
Everything you feel is normal.
Is it wrong - no.
My last ex was a lot like your fiance. I met him at the beginning of my senior year, so also at age 21, but the maturity level between the two of us was just indescribable. I paid ALL the expenses when we were living together (down to his toiletries). And yet..when we broke up I was a wreck. It's ridiculous sometimes how we're emotionally attached to things that are so wrong for us.
Advice-wise..well, I think a few years apart might be good for him and you, honestly. It might give him room to grow into the kind of partner you're looking for and some time to work on your dreams. There's nothing to bar you from getting back together, if that's what's meant to be.
Anyways, good luck with your decision
Susanna