being the dumper, yet he won't let go
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being the dumper, yet he won't let go
| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 11:59am |
Hi everyone. Contrary to almost everyone's posts, I was the one who did the breaking up with. I was with my boyfriend for about 5 and a half months and just knew it wasn't working. We started taking breaks and I started having doubts and it just went downhill. So I finally ended it. It wasn't fair to him because he is in love and I'm not. I feel so bad for him because I broke up with him like 5 times before this and he took me back each time, that's just not healthy. We are officially over and it's really hard for me to believe it. But I feel a lot better and know it was the right thing to do. This is a big step for me. He know's for sure I'm the one, so that makes this so hard, he still thinks that in a couple of years I will figure out that he is who I want, and the sad thing is, is that he would take me back probably! I told him it would be hard to be friends and he agreed but yet he still calls me and occasionally wants to do lunch. I understand that no contact is best, but we do care about each so I will talk to him every now and then right now but it will just be to a minimum. Eventually in a couple weeks or so I am sure there will be hardly any contact, (he is just the type of guy that I have to do this gradually with) I want to be friends but what is best right now is to slow down the contact so he can understand the reality of this and then maybe we can be friends later on. I can say that this being my first relationship, I have learned so much, for example- what being in love is supposed to be like, how a guy should treat a girl and vice versa, not to be wishy-washy and to not play games with someone's heart, not to make them your life and be with them every single day (that's a big one for me!) and there is so much more. So I'm wondering has anyone been in this boat? Been the dumper? What did you do about contacting each other...and how do you handle hurting someone and what can you do to keep busy and not let it consume you?? Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing what ya'll think!!

::He know's for sure I'm the one, so that makes this so hard, he still thinks that in a couple of years I will figure out that he is who I want
That's two things - 1) his ego talking and 2) being so overwhelmed and caught up in his own feelings that he's not given one thought to yours.
You will have to be the one to enforce No Contact. That means not answering his calls and not agreeing to lunch.
Carrie
WOW.
I've been in your position, and I've been the dumped one also. I know from experience that if the person who dumped you continues to have contact with you, it gives the dumped person HOPE...and how painful that is. So, I don't keep in contact with someone where I'm the one who broke it off until enough time has passed that I can be pretty sure he's over me, because I don't want to give him false hope.
Sheri