Being the rebound girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Being the rebound girl
4
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 6:10pm
In January I started to date a guy I have admired from afar for 10 years. In June he told me he loved me, told his ex about us and asked if he could move in with me as he needed to move out of his friend's apartment. The following week however, he mentioned that he decided to move into his ex's house and wouldn't met with me to explain.Over the summer I had minimal contact with him due to significant life stressors (forced job reassignment and cancer diagnosis). As the weeks past, he continued to maintain contact with me saying that he was only renting from his ex and that they were not back together. Come September I was extremely busy at work. His contact with me increased as did his flirting (the last few months all contact has been intiated by him.) Yesterday he laid a bombshell on me. He said that he was back with his ex although things aren't really clear, he said that was just how things were with them but when i asked why he has been contacting me he said it was because he loved me.(He and is ex has been together on and off for 4 years.She has often cheated on him and wasn't there for him when he has gone through hard times.) So here is the problem, intellectually I know I should run but my heart tells me to stay help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 6:42pm

In my opinion, this is one of those situations where you should listen to your head and not your heart. This guy sounds like a toxic bachelor. He doesn't seem to have his life in order at all... Why not hold out for a guy who can afford his own housing? It isn't a matter of finding a rich guy or being a gold digger or anything, it's about being self-sufficient, which this guy clearly isn't.

I think you need to regard yourself a little higher... why would you hold on to someone who doesn't seem to want you? You deserve a self-sufficient guy who wants you! Why put up with a guy who can't even manage his own affairs? You've probably got more than enough on your plate. Worry about yourself and forget this guy!

That's just my 2 cents!

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 6:58pm

Follow your head..why prolong the heartache..this man is a rollercoaster..you are living your life around his whims..

Best of luck..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:44pm
Not sure you are the rebound girl....clearly this guy loves the attention he gets from you - the interaction, the flirting, the sex, whatever, but he's not done with his ex. Until he is done, he's UNAVAIABLE. Your heart wants you to stay and hope, because you aren't willing to give up the fantasy of how you want the relationship to be and see it for the way it really is....a guy having the best of two worlds, having his cake and eat it too. He can't be faithful or loyal to either of you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 4:17pm
Thanks to everyone for your applies. Again I know intellectually he is still into her but it is hard to run from someone you love. Actually I have been good and have successfully avoided him since Thursday. But it is hard to feel that you are not good enough, my self-esteem is hurting big time. The sad thing is that his ex now gf cheats on him frequently and wasn't there for him last year when his life feel apart. I was and now that he is doing better she wanted him back. On top of it I have been dealing with cancer so that really messes with my head. Anyway I will try to stay strong but it is like a slap in the face to be hurt by someone you love and a so called friend of 10 years.So anyway, one day at a time.