Best Sex EVER, can't let him go.....
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Best Sex EVER, can't let him go.....
| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:21pm |
K, I've been seeing this man for almost a year. From the beginning he was living with another woman, and had for about 6 years, but was steady unfaithful to her. At the time when we got together, things with he and her weren't good. This was my first black man, and the sex with him is the best I've EVER had, I'm 38 and have had more than my share of men, and have had sex with other black men since him...but, the sex is the best I've ever had in my life with him! His woman found out about he and I and he moved in with me for about a week, just to turn around and go back to her when she was ready to take him back. He loves HER, loves me too he says, but not like I love him. I've told him time and time again that he's no good for me, that I need to let go and move on, date other men and find someone who wants to put me first and love me, to be with me and someone who doesn't have to hide the fact that we are "together" when we are. Bottom line, yes...I've slept with a few men since this guy, and yes...they were black to, (I'm white), and I've lined up dates with men I think could be something good, but I can't LET GO of this man!! I love him, yet I hate how he can do me, and that I LET HIM, however...I can't for the life of myself let him go because I keep craving sex with him in the least...want him to love me and want me the way I want him, but in the end if it's just sex with him that I can have, I can't let him go because the sex between us is AMAZING, and I'm afraid that if I do start a new relationship with someone else....if the sex isn't as good, I'll keep going back to him just for that if nothing else!!?? UGH!!!!! I have dated a few guys with attempt to let him go, and find myself in tears because I wish it was him!! Excusing myself to the bathroom before they show to my date, I feel I'm doomed to destroy myself, because I love him the way I do and the sex is something I've never in my life had with anyone else. Divorced twice, over 50 sexual partners, 38 years old, and just feel stuck! What the heck, do I need counseling!???!??!?!!!

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Counseling is a good idea for you because you need to realize that your are worth more than just good sex. You deserve the entire package including good sex. You deserve a man who loves you and wants to be with you and not anyone else. Even if this man left his girlfriend for you, you still wont have him because he will more than likely cheat on you with someone else. It will be a vicious cycle. You can let him go, you just have not made up your mind that you want to. Once the decision is made it be a little easier to let go, but right now you have foot in the door and one out and you can not let go while you are in that position.
Good luck
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Oh, I've been hung up on that "best sex ever" thing before and it's tough to move on. But what's the alternative if you don't? Being the chick on the side. Is that really what you want?
You may never find sex that is as good. But wouldn't you rather have, say, slightly less good sex (so long as it's good, does the degree of goodness REALLY matter that much?), and being number one in your guy's life?
Yes, counseling would be a good idea. I would also suggest reading a book called "Obsessive Love" by Susan Forward. It will help you figure out how to let go and move on with your life.
Sheri
I'm 37 and while I can't identify with your experience totally cuz my sex wasn't that hot with the last guy, I wanted to share some stuff...
I thought my last ex was great. But I just realized yesterday (we've been broken up 3 months in Jan) that there were parts of my body he was totally ignoring. All of a sudden I realized, wow, I remember when I used to get really turned on by x, and he didn't do that!
Point being, whether you find the total package again or not for sex, you will find someone who will bring out new parts of you you never saw before. And -- like the other girls said, someone who loves you too and can be faithful.
Another thing to think about -- committed sex with him (which sounds like it doesn't exist, but say, if you were living with him longer) is probably not as hot as cheating sex.
And speaking of commitment, you said something that really rings true with me: You want him to want you as much as you want him. That was a big issue for me with my ex. Totally get that.
One thing I learned from my guy friends recently: Cheating isn't about sex, it's about commitment. Him not wanting you as much as you wanted him, that's a commitment thing along with everything else. He will not commit to anyone and you'll be eternally begging at his shrine for a pat on the head. The agony will never end. Guys like that don't love, they dole out appetizers and promise a big meal of love that you never ever get.
In any case, it sounds like you've gone as far with this relationship as you can. After all, you're on this board :) (awesome). So keep up the momentum for change that you've built up. Get some counseling, and give the new guys time to sink in.
It takes a while, and going cold turkey on the other guy, but
YOU WILL FIND an allaround BETTER guy for you.
Here's my new mantra:
You can have great sex and keep him too.
Now, let's go make that happen (cuz I'm looking for the same thing. Aren't we all!)
Edited 12/15/2006 7:15 pm ET by devuchka
I just wrote about this today in another group I belong to.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
Sex is NOT glue, it doesn't hold the relationship together.
He's obviously playing you and this other woman. He's getting as much as he can when he can because right now, he's got two women or maybe even more who will support his sexual habits. He's having his cake and eating it too.
You will find great sex out there again...I'm sure of it.
Don't confuse great sex for love.
Lots of luck.
GH
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