Between a rock and a hard place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Between a rock and a hard place
5
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:53am

Hi everyone


I've posted my story on the interracial relationship board as well but I am also hoping you guys here can give me the wisdom and encouragement to come to terms with my loss and move on.


I am Asian and was dating my African-American boyfriend for a year, we hit rought patches over the summer and actually broke

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 4:46pm

Welcome to the board tandb26.


You post brings a lot of sadness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:13pm

"Finding the right person, being compatible, having the same goals, values, standards and expectations in a relationship aren't easy to find.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 2:26pm

I'm sure it's very hard for you to accept his decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 11:22pm

hmmm.

My cousins actually are both Asian and they both married African-Americans and I can tell you their parents are are incredibly traditional. Of course, they cut off contact with their parents for a while until the grand children came along...and that ended well.

A lot of is dependent on how far you're willing to go and how important this 'parental blessing' is in comparison to your future happiness. As I say sometimes, be careful whose advice you buy, because ultimately, you're the one who has to live with it (not your parents).

Anyways, whether you decide to move on or try again, I wish you all the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 11:45am

It's very hard when your parents don't approve of the person you choose. Sometimes, it really is for the best, because that person is bad for you, but sometimes, it's due to their *own* desires, what they think will make them happy, not so much their children.

If this man is as good to you as you say, if you are as good for *each other* as you say, then, you may have to buck tradition for a bit. You can't force him down their throats, and trying so hard and for truly, such an exceptionally short period of time is NOT going to change anyone's mind. I can be stubborn, and the more someone tries to convince me of something, the more I'll dig my heels in, but if I come to a realization over time, on my own, with "my own eyes," that tends to stick a lot better. Your parents may be the same way.

What if the only person on the face of the earth they would approve of, was someone whom you could never fall in love with? Would you remain with that person simply to satisfy them and have their blessing?

I once thought I needed my parents' blessing for that too. I married a man my parents did not like, simply because he was older than me. They said he was not accepted, not allowed, not welcome, and they even shut me out, almost disowned me. But he was good to me and so i stood my ground. If he wasnt' welcome, then neither was iI (although I'm not advocatng that for you, I'mjust saying what I did) Five years later they accepted him, allowed him, welcomed him, all the things I thought and they said they'd "never" do. (He and I are divorced now, for unrelated reasons.) So, 'never' is a pretty useless word when it comes to parents and their children.

Good luck to you and think about your decision. I think what your boyfriend is most upset about isn't the racist possible future in-laws, but rather, that you weren't truthfully willing to go the distance in your resolve. Is that truly the case?

Good luck,

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