Between a Rock & a Hard Place (LONG)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Between a Rock & a Hard Place (LONG)
4
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 11:39pm

Hi everyone,

I'm pretty new to Ivillage but thought maybe I could get some advice here. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years now. I am only 22 and he is 6 years older than I. Perhaps the problems started because we rushed into everything so fast - I have also lived with him for 5 years. The relationship has always been a rocky one. He is very controlling and at most times, verbally abusive. After 3 years in the relationship, I knew it was over, but I was young and didn't know what else to do, so I stayed. There were sooo many bad things about him, yet I overlooked those and replaced them with the small amount of good things I could find. Of course, I can't say that I'm perfect and that I havent somewhat contributed to the decline of the situation, but honestly alot of it has been him. I could go on and on about all the bad problems we have had but it hurts to go there. So I will get on with the most recent.

About 2 years ago my b/f and I decided to start exploring sexually. He brought up the idea of bringing another woman into our bedroom, at first I was hesitant, it was something we had talked about in bed before and of course at the heat of the moment, it was a good idea. So after months and months we decided to try. And we did, and we did a few times after that as well. I didnt enjoy it and it hurt me thinking that he wanted to be with someone else. And so I stopped doing it for him and avoided the subject all together. And ever since we stopped, he throws tantrums like a 2 year old and pouts because I told him I am not comfortable doing it. He gave up on it and now again for the past month or so he has been at it again, saying things like "This relationship is a bait & switch". "I'll find another girl who wants to sexually satisfy me". Pretty much telling me that if I don't do what he wants, that he is leaving me. And that's what brings me to tonight, he got mad at me about it again tonight, saying the MEANEST things anyone could imagine. Then he locked himself in our master bedroom, wont let me in, even tho I have no pajamas and our guest room is freezing. And told me that unless i compromise sexually, then he doesnt want to be with me. All this coming from the guy who told me he'd love me no matter what.

Anyway, I have no one else to talk to because I cant exactly explain to family or friends the reasoning behind all of this. So right now I am stuck. I want to leave him but I dont have anywhere else to go. I am trying to buy my own house right now but it takes a while and all of my family lives in a different state. I also have 2 large dogs with me that I am not willing to leave here. I dont know what to do. I can not put up with this emotional abuse until I get a house but it seems like that is the only way :( Someone please help me.

Off to go to bed in the freezing room :(

Mandi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:26am

Hon, you don't have to give others an explanation about your private life or motives to move out. You're an adult. Just say that you both have different goals in life and that you decided to break it up.

Given that buying yout home will come to light soon, would a friend or relative be willing ot take you in for a few weeks? That will be better than remaining in a bad and destructive situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:13pm

What you need is a plan, a Get Out of Jail plan.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:46pm

Even without the sex demands, you have plenty of reason to leave: He is very controlling and at most times, verbally abusive. That's reason enough to leave. Your family, I'm sure could understand that you 'woke up' and refused to take that kind of treatment anymore. Find a place for you to stay. Find a place for the dogs to stay, even if it is not with you.

When you get somewhere, get yourself into counseling so you can figure out the reasons you think you deserve this treatment and make sure you never find yourself in this situation again.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:59pm
Great advice here.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit