b/f of 2 years wants to leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
b/f of 2 years wants to leave
1
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:53pm
I need some advice. I'm so confused right now, I don't know what to do. I have been dating a guy for 2 years, well, out of the blue he says he wants a "break" because he has to 're-evaluate" if he can commit to someone who has kids. I have 2 girls and from day one he has gotten along with them and they love him. But 4 days ago he tells me that he has been thinking more and more about the future and the more he thinks about living with me and the girls, the more he feels he cant. He said that he gave it two years to work, but he just cant get used to being around them/kids. He has no kids. He says he needs time to think. He says it's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place because he doesnt want to loose me, but he just cant handle kids. I love this guy so, we have had such a great 2 years and I'm in shock. I know I should just let him go. I mean, even if he decides to stay with me, I will always wonder if he doesnt want to be with/around my girls. I'm so torn right now. I hurting and don't know what to do. Please help. Any words of encouragement would be so greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 12:13pm

Oh sweetie...

I have three kids. I was open and honest from the beginning and the three of them are taking this breakup pretty well considering, because C has been great with them and he's very emotionally responsible.

I think that one of the reasons we broke up after three+ years is the kids. He wants kids of his own, and I want more kids as well so that was not an issue. But, quite honestly I would recommend that you give him some time and space. Seriously... because if you don't. And he decides to stay... everyone gets hurt in the end.

I know it's hard to be a single mother, I've been one for several (6+) years. It's hard. You are tired. You get worn down and heart-broken and scared that you aren't doing all of the right things. But to be in a relationship where most of everything is ok and it's just the kids that are the issue... I think you should be the one asking for the time and space. To consider whether this relationship is a growth opportunity for you and to consider whether this relationship allows you the freedom to get what you want.

Hang in there... it will all work out as intended in the end. Don't be unhappy... I know that's hard to believe and hear. Get happiness from your kids today, even if it's just some little thing that makes you smile. It will help.

Good luck to you :)