BF and I broke up tonight :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
BF and I broke up tonight :(
5
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:43pm
Hi

So after seeing each other for 2 1/2 years I asked him to move in at the end of June. He said no. We fought over it and I was really angry. Before this our relationship was great. We get along really well and love each other very much but I want a committment and babies and everything and he never knows what he wants to do in his life. So 4th of July we have a big fight (big for us, we rarely argue). I decide that since our relationship was good before we should give it another try - he suggests couples counseling so I say ok.

Our first appt was last Friday. I thought nothing new came of it by BF was shocked to realize he was irresponsible. We spend all last weekend together. From everything he says to me I think he's getting it and on the same page as me. Tonight we have our second appt and I don't even recognize him. He says just about the opposite of everything he said last weekend to me. So even the therapist (you could tell) thought this was never going to work. He suggests he has nothing left to offer us.

I am obviously po'd. So I tell bf in parking lot I'm done having this same conversation. He clearly does not want to have a committed relationship with me.

I know it's the right thing to do. I need to look out for myself but... it stinks to through away something good because we don't want the same things in life :(

So, It's only Friday night and this weekend stinks :(

Just needed to vent.

thanks

Sheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 1:22am
Hi Sheryl,

I feel your pain. Breaking up is hard and the weekends are even worse.

My bf of 2 1/2 years and I broke up recently, too. Its tough. My ex was also a commitment-phobe. But after time I have realized that everything happens for a reason. Something that I keep reminding myself, that you should try to remember, too is that who really wants to be with someone who is not going to give you a full committment? There are lots of men out there who will... so we shouldn't settle for those who do not know what they want.

I miss my ex A LOT. But since I have done the no-contact thing, I feel better. I hear he misses me and wonders why I am not calling. He can keep wondering. I just can't keep playing games.

Just stay busy. At first, (and even now) I had my days fully planned. I even planned out my hours and went one hour at a time. Just so I knew what I would be doing for the next hour to keep me busy and away from the phone.

I am rambling now... I didn't sleep last night, so I am not totally coherent right now. But trust me... things will get better. You just have to give it time. Until then... stay busy and take care of yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 2:53am
When I read your post I think: thats me! But its obvious there´s many guys with the same sort of behaviour, I didnt realise until now actually! Anyway to hsheryl: I wonder if that counsiling was good, I mean, its already a big step for a guy to actually go there, that shows some form of commitment! Not all counselers are good you know, dont let your relationship brake down because of what this person says. Ok, you have problems but maybeyou can work trough this another way. I think you 2 need a short break...I dont know...you say yourself it was nice together, why do we have to give that up? I dont know....just good luck for you!

Samie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 7:47am
I agree, I think most guys are all alike. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years recently broke up with me because he didn't think that I was "the one" he wanted to have a family with, etc. (Which I think is a load of crap because we had a pretty good relationship until he started to think like this) I can agree with the no-contact rule. My ex- still wants to talk to me, and tell me he misses me, etc. and at first I listened, but it made me feel even worse. So I told him that I couldn't talk to him at all for a while. Not talking to him has made the process a little easier. I still miss him, but I also know that perhaps it was for the best. I want a man who wants me in their life, now and in the future. We all deserve that. Good luck, and things do get better, I promise!

Desiree

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 8:32am
Hi, Sheryl,

I'm with ya, girl!! My boyfriend broke up with me last night (well, actually at 2:13am this morning). We'd dated for 10 months and he did the same thing-- surprise phone call in the middle of the night, then got back together as "friends" that became more serious for another eight. He was talking marriage (he's pretty much a commitment-phobe) and love, and I loved him so much I believed it. We'd spent every night except three together since May -- I will miss him terribly. It WILL be a hard weekend; let me know how yours is going. 2-12 years is a very long time, but you sound like you are very strong and sane and will be fine. How old are you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 9:02am
Thanks to everyone for your support. I'm surprised at how many guys out there have this problem. Scares me to think of ever dating again :(

Samie had suggested just taking a break... we actually broke up last year over this and he came back after 2 months (of no contact) & convinced me he could commit and wanted to be with me. He didn't move right in because I was wary. Turns out I was right to be wary.

I think it just stinks more because I'm 32 years old. I want kids and I the pressure is on. My last friend without a baby had one 9 weeks ago :( Also, he's the same age and you'd think you'd have it more figured out by now.

Well, thanks again for your support :) I'll be ok. I'm always busy. I'm heading to my sisters in a little while to play with my nephews and tomorrow am going out with my little sister (I volunteer with the Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization). And I have two dogs so it's hard to be too sad when your cuddling with them.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Sheryl