BF & Family war

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
BF & Family war
2
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 7:53am
I got into the habit of telling my boyfriend, well my ex now, everything that everyone said. So that he knew what was going on. But of course thier were the rules of the relationship and he wasnt allowed to repeat anything he said. But apparently that didnt hold over into our break up. My family always disliked him, for one reason or another and he never said anything to THEM about it. Wed talk about it, and what hed do and say to them if we broke up. Anyways, I got into a fight with my Aunt last night, about him. But i made the mistake of telling him, thinking it would be confidential. But it wasnt, he asked my sister for her e mail, e mailed her and then she got mad at me for giving him her e mail, which I didnt do..And now its like a major war between them. With threats and everything being said. And he sent me a copy of all the emails they exchanged, and we have the chat logs, and he made sure I had everything he did, so that when he "charges" her and my family then he`ll have proof and a witness. And I dont know what to do. They are both so set that they are going to fight. I dont know what to do, or say to these people..They are both family to me, I know im supposed to be doing NC and I was doing it, until I gave in and told him what my aunt said, then I just kept going. And now its a war. I dont know whose side to be on, what to do. Please any advice would help..Please. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:08am

If you stop allowing yourself to be pulled into this drama it will stop. He is keeping you bogged down in this and you are allowing it. Continue with the NC at all costs, if your family wants to tell you about the drama, tell them you are staying out of it. If they want to fight then it is between him and the family, not you. You have contol over this, if you stop it and take yourself out of the middle, then you will feel better about it. I would also suggest that you examine your motives for telling about your aunt in the first place and make sure you were not creating drama just to keep him engaged with you in some form or fashion.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:03pm

Two things come to mind:

1) delete everything he sent to you, BEFORE you read them, so then you aren't a witness

2) go to your family and come clean with them. Tell them that you shared way too much personal stuff with them and ask them to please help by blocking his emails and not taking his calls.

You don't know whose side to be one? Hon, he betrayed what you said in confidence and you've betrayed your family's confidence too.


Carrie