BF got Physical w/ me over Weekend
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| Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:52am |
Hi everyone,
I'm just hoping to get some extra support here. I had an absolutely horrible weekend. I had been suspecting that my boyfriend of almost 6 months (however we know each other a lot longer than that) had been cheating on me. A little history behind us: I am 31, he is 38 with 2 kids, each by different mothers, neither of which he has custody of. He also takes A LOT of pills and recently started drinking again (in the time I'm with him, he's been to a rehab twice, both times he didn’t make it for reasons which I don’t even know). I just know he's drinking again, he's on xanax, valium, seraquil (anti-psychotic), and he smokes TONS of pot. Just constantly self-medicating with drugs off the street, not even from a doctor.
Anyway, he's been getting very nasty with me lately, and I know he has a HORRIBLE temper, I just never thought he would put his hands on me, which is what happened Friday night. I told him I didn’t want to drink anymore, but he just said "come on, have a little control and just have some to loosen up". So I had some, which turned out to be a very strong drink that he made me. He then asked me to get him something from behind his headboard, and when I went to get it, I looked and found a pair of women's underwear. I didn’t say anything, I just pulled them out and threw them on the bed in front of him. He made up some stupid excuse that they're really old and he was just hiding them from his roommate/landlord/boss (that in itself is a funny relationship, me and many other people happen to think something might be up with those 2)… The boss does EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for my now ex. Buys him extravagant gifts, etc. He hated me because I think he was jealous of me that I was with Joe. Anyway, once I found the underwear, all I said was "I wish I had a one-woman man" and that was it. He lunged at me and grabbed me by the back of my head and yanked my head back by my hair REALLY hard, got in my face and told me I should just shut the f*ck up. Then I was so in shock because nobody had ever put their hands on me before so I was crying hysterically in a fetal position. He was rubbing my arm saying he was sorry and all of a sudden the roommate banged on the door and said "if she cant control herself, tell her to get the f*ck out!" - then joe told me I should just leave. Now, mind you I had been drinking A LOT, and I live an hour and a half away. He sent me in my car with an hour and a half drive ahead of me drunk. The next morning he called to tell me im no longer welcome in the house and that we're done. Also, I saw that the same day he re-activated his hot-or-not account and was already back in the chatrooms finding looking for other girls. I couldn’t have meant very much to him, huh? And the worst part is he sends me a text that said "you caused this" - he blames me!! I just couldn’t believe everything that happened. Anyway, alone again for the 3rd year in a row for the holidays and I'm SOOOO hurt and upset and just depressed! I spent the entire weekend in bed, except for the 3 hours that I spent on Sunday at my best friends house because she forced me to come over and get out. She said I have to snap out of it and not let it get to me, that he got physical with me and that's the final straw.
Please give me your input people. Its not that I don’t know I'm lucky to have gotten away with just a hairpull, it could've been much worse, I guess I'm just looking for some support here, to help me keep away from him because I'm just scared to be alone!

WOW Your story hit home with me... My CURRENT BF got physical with me and I am still with him because I am afraid to be alone too...
You are very lucky that all he did was pull your hair. Mine slapped me and punched my leg and arms.
Cherrygirl,
Please, please seek professional help.
Yes alone is a pretty scary thought when you're on the brink of relationship implosion. But better alone than at the mercy of someone else. This fool actually thinks it's YOUR fault that HE pulled your hair and screamed in your face? But that's dependent on where you draw the line. If you love and respect yourself, you'll hurt from breaking up, but you'll realize that a. it's utterly his own fault that he cannot control himself even at 38. He's not a child, to be hair pulling and putting the responsibility for his actions on anyone else but himself. and b. your cue is, at the bare minimum, to be out the door the moment he lays a rough finger on you. Or better yet, the moment he curses at you or degrades your self worth, you should take off. Example, an ex of mine once intentionally smacked me across the back when he was angry. I walked out the door and we haven't had any contact since. There's no excuse for violence of any kind.
So it's OK to hurt, but please do yourself a favour and ride out the pain instead of going back to that.
All the best
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.