Bf-personals, break-up?
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Bf-personals, break-up?
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 4:46pm |
I just found out that my bf of 3 1/2 years signed up on a personals website. I read his email (which is a big no-no) and figured out his login for the personals website. I found that he saved four girls to his "hot-list" on of those girls cuts our hair.
He said he went on there when we were fighting. He said it doesn't mean anything to him. He said he was "just dinking around".
I broke up with him. Did I do the right thing?

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"He said he went on there when we were fighting"
Yeah, because cheating on you is going to help in the make-up solving of the fight.
"He said it doesn't mean anything to him."
Oh good, he betrayed your trust and considered cheating all for something that didn't mean anything to him. Boy, hope it was worth it.
"He said he was "just dinking around"."
Really? Then why did he go so far as to save a "hot list"?!? "dinking around" would be looking.
Yes, you did the right thing. What possible excuse could he give you to make it okay? Those sad pathetic attempts at excuses don't cut it. He may not have physically cheated on you, but he was preparing to do so. Mentally he was already there. After almost 4 years together, this is the respect he has for you and for your relationship.
I just can't believe it. I really thought he was one of the "good" guys. I would never ever have thought in a million years that he would do something like this. We talked about marriage and kids, the whole works...
It has only been 24 hrs. and a part of me already wants to forgive and forget. I know I can't do that though. I just can't believe it. I am in shock. I am almost 27 and have to start over again :( I want to have kids soon. I never thought I would be single again. I thought he was the "one". There is so much good about him. We have so much fun together and I thought we were really honest with each other. What I fool I was. How can I ever trust a man again?
Something made you suspect, because you went through his email right?
You've done your part. You've taken a stand and told him in no uncertain terms that if he's going to be with you there are values and a certain character that must be met and maintained.
Have you heard from him? Has he come groveling to you, begging for this forgiveness that part of you already wants to give? Is he sorry in any way other than sorry he got caught?
Absolutely. I'm sorry for what you're going through, but a man who is truly committed to being in a monogamous r'ship with you wouldn't DREAM of putting up an ad online.
Sheri
He did put up an ad for himself, he just looked around and saved four girls to his "hotlist".
He has called once to say he wants to talk about it more. Haven't heard the "I am so sorry" bit yet.
It hurts so bad. I feel so alone. I feel like part of me is gone. When I sleep at night I dream about him which makes it worse.
Did I do the right thing?
Remember this! "We TEACH PPL HOW TO TREAT US"!!!!!!
Don't ever question yourself. You did what you did because he left you no choice. You deserve sooo much in a relationship. You deserve someone that loves and cares about you, someone that the mire thought of losing you is too painful to even consider. You deserve the kind of love you give in return.
I'm sorry to say that if you took him back, things might change for awhile, but i'll bet ya this will happen again. Besides, whatelse has been going on that you don't know about?? You don't just have a fight and say ok, i think i'll check out other available women. Sorry, but someone that truly loves and cares for you would never consider that.
It hurts i know, it seems like you don't even know him anymore..that someone you loved sooo much could betray you like that. The trust has been broken, and how can you ever trust him again. You'll be always wondering...and the two of you can't live like that.
Remember! We teach ppl how to treat us! And you have just taught him a lesson on how you deserve to be treated!
Deborah
but i think YES girl you did the right thing definately.
im proud of you for being so strong
u go girl
Yes you did!
Yes, you did the right thing...period.
Think about it. Did you go looking at personals when the two of you fought? I'm guessing "no". And why didn't you? Because you love him and would never consider doing something so selfish. So, why did he do it? He's selfish and wants the best of both worlds, a trusting loyal g/f and a little something on the side. He did have a "hotlist" and not a "nice girl to date" list. So what do you think he was looking for?
My ex b/f was caught looking at local escort sites online. This happened recently and we are not together anymore. Yes, it hurts a lot. But I don't want to be with someone I have to keep questioning. When I think about how much I miss him, I force myself to imagine him with an escort and then I see what kind of loser he really is. The person he portrayed to me is not real and I have to see who he truly is.
You should picture your ex as who he really is and not spend your time remembering someone who never existed. Trust me, men have no problem talking about a family and kids because they know that most of the women they date are waiting to hear those words.
This is truly a case of "actions speak louder than words".
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