A Big Challange Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
A Big Challange Today
3
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 7:26am

Today is a big community event. All of my friends are going to be there, and I love going every year.

In our e-mail where we discussed NC and space, I asked him to consider avoiding the first half of this event, and I would leave for the second half. He agreed to do his best to respect my boundaries, and that if we do end up in the same place at the same time, he will do his best to avoid contact with me.

So...hopefully he will not be there today. It is a fairly small event, though, so if he is, I will know it and see him repeatedly. He often performs at local events, in which case he may not realistically arrange things so as to avoid me. In short, he may be there and if he is, it will be difficult to avoid seeing him.

His mother will almost certainly be there, and his sisters and nieces and nephews may be there. I still miss them and being a part of their family so much!

All of these situations have the potential to be triggering, but seeing him is the only one I am almost certain will trigger. So...obviously I've been worried about running into him/them. I have tried not to do too much anticipating about how I might feel/react and stay positive, but have decided that if he is there and if I do, indeed, start crying or thinking bad things about myself or whatever, if it perfectly OK for me to leave, even if it has only been five minutes since I got there. And as for his family, I can say hello, esp. if the kids are around (they love me and I don't want to slight them), and again, if I find the emotions are too hard, it is OK for me to leave.

I'm really scared...but I think that sounds reasonable, and better than letting my fears of what might happen keep me holed up in my apartment and miss an event I look forward to every year. We live in the same community. We are going to run into one another. I'm going to stay positive and see how this feels. And, maybe he will avoid the event while I am there and I can just enjoy myself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 11:17am
All right...I'm heading out. Wish me strength.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 2:46pm
Wishing you strength, let us know how it goes.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 9:08pm

It went ok.

A lot of my friends were there. I asked them to let me know if he was there so I could just take off. I had a great time.

Then I am chatting with a friend and I hear my name and there are the little ones, five of them (ages 5-11), crowding around me for hugs. Two of his sisters and their kids were there. I got to give every one of them big hugs and his sister told me he wasn't coming to the fair, and to let me know so I could stay longer if I wanted. We chit-chatted a couple minutes and then parted ways.

Unfortunately, the space there was small, and I kept running into them. The ache started to well up, and at one point I took a break and walked away and cried a little. I can't be a part of their family any more...that hurts! But as the day wore on sometimes I would be eating and one of them would come sit next to me or ask me where their mum was and I started feeling ok....like it wasn't the end of the world. I hugged them all goodbye on my way out. One of his sisters who I was beginning to feel close to said very pleasantly that she was sure she would see me around.

Then I spent the remainder of the day reminding myself I was no longer a part of their family. As friendly as they were, now is not the time to pursue connection with them. I need time.

But it was hard, man. I miss them--especially the kids--sooooo much.