Big Dilemma here, What do I do?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Big Dilemma here, What do I do?
1
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 9:55am

Okay so I need some advice on some things...fast! I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago "officially". Even though I had been ready to do it for a couple months. He knew I was the one and I wasn't so sure. I always had doubts yet I kept going back to him. I don't know why, I just did. He has a very bad temper. He is very intense and high- strung and so is his family. It's like him and his family just have this chemical or aura, and once I get near it I get all down and stressed and hate it, It is so weird. So while we were breaking up, his cousin got hired where I work, just great huh! Well it didn't pose much of an issue, It's fine now. But she has been wanting a roomate and so have I. So I looked into it. She never talks to my ex, their families hardly associate and they aren't close at all, so I thought well maybe it won't be that bad.

But I soon learned and so did everyone else, that she is just like everyone else in their family...very hyper, bitchy, high strung. I mean I am trying to get away from all of this, and if she just continues it than I don't want that! She tells me she won't tell him anything, but of course he has been calling me still (I know that I am stupid to answer, but I am working on that). And he told me that she said that my parents loved him, and yada yada, yet she told me she didn't say anything?!? I don't feel that I can trust her and I feel like my ex will look at this as jsut another connection and hope that someday we will be back together.

Cuz he just called me the other day because he got fired and I feel bad and what not, but he can't use me as a shoulder to lean on and I told him that. I have explained to him numerous times that we just can't be friends right now and that we need to move on. Yet he wants to know what is so bad about him. I'm like c'mon! I am not having this conversation again! So of course after that, I go back into my depression state, because I feel so bad for hurting him, and I begin to wonder if I did the right thing and just become more stressed. I mean since I have broke up with him, I have felt so much better! Things have gone better, given the few incidents of him calling- another one was at 4 in the morning, an ex of his called and told me all these lies, that he got her pregnant, that they have been off and on this whole time and that he tells her he wants to marry her too...so I freaked out because I think cheating is a whole other ball park.

So then he tells me just the other day (when he called to tell me he was fired) that he was sitting right by her when she did that! That she just tried to make me jealous..I don't need this stinkin drama from him and all his friends. It's like he doesn't get it and jsut won't let it go. But I feel bad because I admit, I did fill his head with lies, I acted like everything was perfectly fine for 8 months so of course he is majorly confused.

I feel like his love for me was an immature love though...cuz he thinks since he treated me like a princess that I should want to be with him. I am like, there are a lot of other things involved in a relationship than just how you treat someone, thats a big thing yes but thats not all of it. So basically I just think since we have still had all this contact and he still calls me, that it wouldn't be the best idea to move in with his cousin. I mean yeah she can say to my face that she won't tell him or his family...but I'll never know. I could never find out. It just sucks because its a great location, nice apartment and everything, but I think I just need to focus on me and getting fully rid of this relationship...I think that is more important right now than moving in with her. Especially given everything that has been happening and that she is a connection to him.

So my questions are...would it be the right thing to not move in? I think it would be. And how do I tell her. I think my stepmom and I might sit down with her and just tell her that I don't feel comfortable, it's bad timing and I'm just not ready- basically just be semi- honest. I feel bad because her other roommate was going to move out in order for me to move in. But frankly I don't care right now. I don't even care if she hates me, I need to do this for me...So yeah...could anyone give me their point of view on everything that I've mentioned and just any advice?? I am also thinking about changing my number so I can't hear from my ex...

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 12:16pm
I think you know the answer.