Big Thanksgiving Mistake, Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Big Thanksgiving Mistake, Need Advice
1
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:25pm
Before I jump into my latest drama, I would like to thank all those who replied to my first discussion "Friends in 48 hours???" and lent your support/advice on my situation. I greatly appreciate it. OK, so yesterday was thanksgiving and I'll just say I was a little less than thankful to find myself single right before the holidays. So I went to a thanksgiving buffet at an upscale hotel with my sisters, my mom and her boyfriend Greg. I thought it might be a good idea to drown my neverending thoughts of my ex in a lot of alcohol consumption. I made sure my champagne glass was never empty and after a couple trips to the bar, I found myself feeling even worse than when I was sober and decided, on our way to the lounge after dinner to slip away and give him a call. Drunk as I was, I felt I could adaquately explain everything that this break-up was doing to me. I don't really remember what I said to the last word but it was something along the lines of "I still love you very much and will for a long time......I don't know why you're not happy with me anymore...Even though I told you not to contact me anymore I didn't really mean it because I miss you so much..." After 2 minutes of drunken rambling on his voicemail I finally hung up. He then sent me a generic text message about 20 minutes later saying happy thanksgiving and some random turkey consumption fact about Illinois that he probably sent to all of his friends, not a word about the message (which he must have got) Still pretty buzzed at this point, I sent him a text back telling him Happy Thanksgiving and that sorry if my message message made him uncomfortable but I meant every word I said. I haven't heard a word from him since. I really messed up and I know I should stay away from him for my own good, but he was my best friend for over a year and I really do miss him a lot. Need Advice!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 8:07pm

Don't beat yourself up over your slip up. You realize it was probably not your best moment and we all have made those mistakes, especially when alcohol i.e "liquid confidence" is involved. The next time you have a whim of calling him, especially if you have been drinking do whatever it takes not to, give your phone to a friend or call your own voicemail and leave a drunk message saying that you love yourself (joking on the last one but hey why not?)

Of course you are going to miss him, I still miss my ex and I've been feeling like a lowly blob these past two weeks (thanks to the holidays). I know he is not good for me and I've been trying to preoccupy myself with my move to Chicago in a few months to try and avoid thinking of him but there are times when I feel alone and wonder what he is doing. The sad thing is I pretty much know what he is doing and it isn't a cheery thought to me, picking up/hooking up with girls and going to the bar all the time etc. So needless to say I try to concentrate on other things.

You have got to separate yourself from him contact wise, it hasn't even been a week yet so don't feel like you have to make yourself get over him magically overnight, it IS okay to feel sorry for yourself and depressed right after a breakup. These boards are a great way to vent your feelings, they have helped me tremendously and giving advice to others is also therapeutic for me, especially when I feel I can have a positive experience on someone else's situation. So, my advice in a nutshell, try to avoid doing this again but don't dwell on what has already happened.

Also, if you can, and we all can, try and direct your pain and grief into useful energy, for me that is planning my move and I have also been working out regularly (running is great when you are pissed off) and if I do say so I've lost a little bit of weight ;) So, try to pour your attention and energy over this into something to benefit you. Give yourself time to grieve but don't let it go on more than necessary to where it becomes obsessive and unhealthy.

Good luck :)