Birthday wishes?
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| Sun, 05-08-2005 - 1:07pm |
My ex's bday is coming up in about a week. We haven't spoken in about a month - since he was in town and dropped off my stuff. Since then, we have emailed once - he wanted to know how my job interview went. He has copied me on a couple of joke emails, but I haven't responded. We really didn't talk about the no-contact thing, but after reading everyone's advice on this board, I am determined not to call him. Last time we broke up I kept telling him not to call me and then one of us would break. I figured this time its better to just do it without making a big "no-contact" rule, since he wouldn't believe me anyway.
My question is this - should I send him a brief email wishing him a happy birthday? Nothing about us, just birthday wishes? He asked me if he could call me on my birthday (several months away) and I just said "that's a long time away." I feel mean not wishing him a happy birthday, but then again, the way he handled this breakup was not so nice either. He never said anything mean to me, he just pulled the rug out from under me with NO warning, 2 weeks before a big Carribean vacation.
What do you think?

i agree with course11...
last summer, it was my exs bday about a month after i called NC. i sent him a birthday ecard thinking that it was the "appropriate" thing to do. but, when he responded - i realized that i had these other intentions deep down inside... his reply back was very casual and it made me very upset... i realized then that i was still holding on...
like course11 said, "whats the point?"
its true - whatever the contact may be, as long as you maintain some - the longer itll take you to heal...
What is the point? Good question. I guess I don't know, other than I feel bad not wishing him a happy birthday. I can't believe it has come to this. Its hard to go from being so close to not even being able to wish him a happy birthday. Last year we were broken up, but talking, and I sent him a brief "Happy Birthday, hope you have a great year" or something like that. He responded, and told me he missed me. This was on the day he got back from a vacation with another girl. Ugh.
I know I could never trust him again, but that is my rational, logical mind talking. My heart still loves him.
purpleshoes,
again, i say "DO NOT SEND BDAY WISHES"! as eeyore stated, even if it doesnt "set you back per se" - it may just reinvite him back into your life...
truth is, by acknowledging his birthday, you are ultimately still "holding on to SOMETHING." trust me - i did the same thing last year. about a month after NC, it was my ex's bday and i thought a simple egreeting was sufficient... i THOUGHT i had no motive behind it...but OH I WAS WRONG when i received a casual email back...
like eeyore pointed out - HE lost his chance with you...so quite frankly, he doesnt deserve your acknowledgement...
and i know exactly what you mean when you stated: "I can't believe it has come to this. Its hard to go from being so close to not even being able to wish him a happy birthday." im battling with the same notion... my ex was a HUGE part of me for the last two years (in total)... now, he's nothing but a closed chapter... it breaks my heart to realize this...
but its unfortunately true... and that im trying to deal with ..
let us know what you decide to do -
hugs to you,
eeksj