A bit of a breakthrough

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
A bit of a breakthrough
1
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:11am

For some reason last night I got to reading some of the emails he sent me back around Thanksgiving. They made me sad but one thing stood out to me. Our relationship had been going south since about August and I had been thinking about ending things (really even before that). He had really been pulling away from me for a while and then one night he came over and we got to talking about things. He told me that he had been talking to his 1st wife (they were married 25 years ago for less than a year) for the last couple of months. I knew he had gone to see her when she came to town in October but didn't think too much about it (other than the fact that he did not tell me until after he saw her). He had always told me that he felt guilty for treating her badly during their marriage and that he had felt he had ruined her life. I knew that he went to see her many times over the years but never thought there any feelings there other than guilt. Well, he told me that she always felt that she was still in love with him for all those years and she wanted them to spend time together when she came to town to see if there was anything there. He said that he had wondered many times over the years as well if he was still in love with her, and he wanted the feedom to explore this but didn't want to lose me.

Well, you can imagine what my reaction was. Anyway, we were headed for a breakup anyway but this was pretty much the icing on the cake. Sometimes (like last night) I get to thinking about him talking to her while he was still involved with me about how they might still be in love with each other and might even remarry some day, and I just feel so hurt and betrayed. Realistically, I don't see them getting together permanently (and I don't really think he does either). I dated him for 2 years and he never indicated that he had these kinds of feelings for her. He was married 2 other times after her and he told me that he married both of them feeling like he was still in love with her. It makes me sick to think that the time we were together he felt that way about her.

I cried really hard last night, but then got angry and realized that I really do deserve better than someone who can't figure out what he wants after 25 years. Of course, I have felt this way before and it doesn't last, but I sure felt a lot better last night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:21pm
That's a great breakthrough, seeing the truth of the situation. You will get through this.


Carrie