bitter

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
bitter
1
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 7:14pm
Tomorrow it will be a month and a half since my boyfriend of three years broke up with me. We have been keeping in contact, and have left the possibility of getting back together open. ( We talk about once a week or so... I know, I know.. but if we do have a chance at getting back together I'm scared that no contact will just put too much distance between us) He never cheated on me, was always there for me.. the reason we broke up is because (according to him) we just weren't on the same page about a lot of things. Ex - I'm back at school full time, he's not (it made him feel insecure about his own life)... He's more social, I'm more of a homebody, etc. We had been fighting a lot and I admit that things were not perfect, but I was willing to work as hard as I could on our relationship. To him, he had been mulling over things for awhile and finally came to the conclusion that he was not happy enough with himself and our relationship to be able to make me happy. We've talked about how time apart can hopefully make us learn things about ourselves and become more independent, so in return our (possible) future relationship will be stronger because we will have worked out some of our internal issues and not be so incredibly dependent on each other for happiness.

I'm at an in between stage right now. I have no idea how long it could be before he could be ready to give it another try (if ever). I hate how there are no guarantees about anything. I don't know if I should just completely let him go and see what happens. I am surviving life without him but am not happy about it. These past few days I have been incredibly bitter. I'm mad at him for giving up. I'm mad at myself for giving so much of myself to him, only to have him tell me he doesn't want me right now. I'm mad that I trusted him with my heart and he hurt me this much. I'm just plain mad. I guess I'm in that angry state, and I don't like being this way. I hate having such negative feelings about him, and I don't know why all the sudden I feel this way. I've been having my sad days and my strong days, but today I'm just angry and bitter.

My problem is that his birthday is tomorrow. I know he would be upset and hurt if I didn't call him, but I just have such negative feelings toward him right now and I think it would be best for me not to speak to him until this passes. We have been on good terms, I'm just in this schlump right now and I don't know why. Any advice? Should I call him tomorrow??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
In reply to: cloudnin9
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:00pm
First of all these angry and bitter feelings that you are experiencing are completely normal. A month and half out of a relationship is a very short time but I can assure you that through time things will get better. I was in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years and we have been broken up for 6 months. The first three or four months were very difficult. My best advice to you is to go along with your feelings. Don't ignore them. If you feel like crying then go ahead and cry. Crying is a good way to express your angry and sad feelings and you feel so much better afterwards. Keep yourself busy. Pick up a hobby, hang out with friends and family, start writing in a journal and express your feelings through your writing, talk about your feelings (don't hold your feelings and emotions inside it will come back to haunt you later!). This is your time and your opportunity to get to know yourself...to figure out who you are and who you want to be. Focus on yourself right now and don't worry about what your ex is doing. The key to happiness is to be happy within yourself first. If you are happy with who you are anything is possible. I wouldn't dwell so much on when and if you and your will get back together. Things happen for a reason and if it is meant to be it will happen. If you love someone set them free and if they are yours they will come back to you. I would call him on his b-day. I would say "hey I was just calling to say happy b-day...hope it's great". Make it short and sweet. By doing that you are being the bigger person. Hold your head up high...the skies the limit! If you need more advice, have more questions, I am here. Good luck and remember you will survive this!