Bittersweet moments
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Bittersweet moments
| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 6:54pm |
Today is 3 months since S broke up with me. We had dated just over 4 years and had gone thru a lot in that time from dealing with health issues, friends weirding out on us, family problems mainly from his end and long distance, but somehow we also made it thru. The grounds we broke up on is so stupid as finally i got the answers i was looking for and it was two different issues, him dealing with something from the past which he doesn't even want to acknowledge the truth about. The thing was we saw and planned out life to be with each other and hard as i try i cannot stop loving him or thinking about him. Some days it feels like i'm obessed but i'm finding it hard to let go. For the last three months we fought everytime we talked n he always found a way to blame me...i just wanted his friendship since that was what we had built out relationship on and as clique as it sounds we had that special connection. Finally over last week or so we finally started talking, slowly the time is increasing, he more than me can tell me about what is going on and slowly we are joking again. When we broke up we both lost that happiness, now i'm scared i'll blow it again coz everytime we speak its bittersweet, coz i'm happy we are talking but i miss not being able to tell him the things my heart wants to say coz i fear losing his friendship. I know he still loves as i love him, is there anyway just being friends can work or is there a way i can convince him its worth another try? I'm not sure what to do.

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Ok, that's valid ;-). Can you go at different times, then, just for now (not forever, just until it's not so painful to see him)?
Sheri
Actually, I have been. I avoid taking certain classes because I know he takes them.
But annoyingly, the universe has seen fit to put us in the same place and it's very hard to take. He is completely giving me the cold shoulder and I want to know what the h*** happened.
And I miss him. Terribly. Had a VERY weak moment two days ago and actually sent him a letter. I know, I KNOW, I shouldn't have, but I had to. I kinda think that's why he was in the class. But then, why not talk? I really don't understand the man.
It's also leading me to question the validity of everything else in my life. You know, it's purpose, etc. That's why I've begun studying Zen philosophy and taking Yoga. It has helped a bit, but not completely.
It's been two months and all I can see is wasted time apart from him. Oh no, I'm about to break down again....
Oh, no, that doesn't seem fair does it! I guess you'll have to change up your schedule again because he's being a big fat baby about this rather than acting like a mature adult. Does the fact that he's behaving that way help at all to get further along the path of accepting he's not right for you?
Sheri
Depends on the time of day you ask the question!
Actually, yes and no. I'm having a hard time with this. Thinking of the ways that he is sweet etc., In other words, torturing myself.
I like my schedule, it's hard to find classes that I am comfortable with, so to give that up wouldn't work. In one way, I was enjoying the fact that I knew he wouldn't enter a room that I was in. I had a safe place and now he's taken that. It doesn't help that it's a class that I'm a bit clumsy in, so he got to see me in my sweaty, clumsy state.
On another note, it just is soooo unfair that when you look like pond scum, the ex walks in looking so bloody good! He really does now. ( well, always has) But really, so not fair! He was probably thinking that he is so thankful not to be with me. Okay, pity party time, minor slip.
But really, why is it??? Not fair!
I;m better now!
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