Blah...Breakup
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Blah...Breakup
| Mon, 05-16-2005 - 11:04pm |
To make a long story short I initiated the breakup with my ex about a day and a half ago. It's like my moods are a constant rollercoaster ride. One minute I'm fine, and BAM..the next I'm depressed and crying! Is this normal?
sometimes I think this was the best for me and I'm doing the right thing. Then again I think, I HATE this feeling I get...lonliness, emptiness, crying, restlessness....what do I do? I know I should keep busy but I've also heard that even though it is really hard, embrace your feelings. Cry if I need to cry but don't avoid my feelings.
Any suggestions would be great. I think I'm phobic about being alone and it would be nice to hear from you all or just someone to listen.
Thanks


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Maybe I have the scenario wrong, but you broke it off with him because you weren't ready to make the next step and move to where he is... and he keeps calling and now he's upset. I completely understand your reasons for breaking up, and it was the right thing for you, but isn't he just heartbroken now? Isn't he doing what we do here, not understand, pine, call obsessively, beg for us back? You are doing good being the strong one and sticking to your guns, but I think we can understand where this guy is coming from right?
I know I got angry and said not nice things to my ex, and then apologize crying that I didn't mean it, that I'm just sad and angry. Forgive him for being angry, and tell him you are sorry it didn't work out, that its really over. In time he should move on. I think from your post, you had known for awhile that you weren't into it that much??? You will be ok too, once the initial pain of the "loss" has subsided. You did the right thing, and don't give in, because he's throwing himself at you in desparation. And don't feel guilty, we sometimes have to weed through the foliage to find the flower!
lilgrace76,
I believe you pinned it right on the nose. Plus he had to get his cell number changed to a local number so when I was sending him txt messages he didn't get any of them and he just thought I was ignoring him. I told him last night that I just needed time and I wasn't avoiding him (he really couldn't understand why txt msgs and him calling would make things worse). I think he's upset and angry. But I really felt like I had no other choice. I don't want to make things worse by remaining w/ someone that I really don't feel I'm in love with. I do care about him though.
I'd say doing the actual breaking up is just as hard as being broken up with. :-( In some small way I feel that by not talking to him I'm doing something wrong. Like I owe him more than this b/c we dated for so long.
I think you are so right. The majority of the "hurting" here, have been the dumpee, and alot of times we deal by accusing the heartbreaker to be heartless.... Which isn't always the case. You wouldn't be doing him any favors by staying with him with only half your heart. You would both be miserable!! And when we have broken up with someone, you still really care about their person, but it's not a "can't live without you" kinda love.
It's something I've tried to keep in mind when I get upset over the one that I loved so much. "He just didn't feel the same!" As much as I wanted him to, he didn't, and when I get over it, that wanting him still, the rejection, I will be able to appreciate it. Who wants somebody to be with them that is there out of sympathy.... yuk. Or because they are too chicken to break your heart. It hurts but it's true, you did the right thing right now, and he will realize.
When somebody falls hard for you, it's flattering, but if you are just not feeling that strong, it's hard. You want to be in love too but it can't be forced. And to *know* how much they will hurt, makes it that much harder. You gotta tell him straight, it's not going to work out, and don't give him the "in time" maybe , because we all know , that leaves them hanging with hope. I really feel for you, because on top of bearing the burden of breaking his heart, you too have reprocutions of the decision. Being alone, and unsure of whats next. You can do it, you found a safe place here with us.
big hug
grace
Grace,
Your advice and comments have really hit home. In your last post you described my situation EXACTLY! It's comforting to know that someone knows how I feel.
Like you said, I know I did the right thing but it's still hard. I can make it.
Thanks so much!
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