Blaming myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Blaming myself?
4
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 8:48am

How can you stop blaming yourself for the demise of your relationship? He said it was all my fault- I was too clingy, I always got mad when he went out with friends. I don't know why I always needed to be with him. If you saw my last post you'd know that even when I was with him I never felt that I was "spending"time with him. His mind was always on something else. Maybe I pushed myself to much on him? I made myself too available? Why is it wrong to crave attention from someone? I only wanted to feel that he loved me. Why can't I let go?

I'm 24 and I know I have the rest of my life ahead of me. He was my first love. 5 years together. I thought he was the one. I planned my future with him. How do I not be cynical about love anymore?

What messed me up more is that his cousin told me that my ex confided in him saying "Maybe I made a mistake." If he did make a mistake why hasn't he contact me? It's been a week. Why is he off doing fun things and partying and I'm here sulking?

When will I ever heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
In reply to: ming_88
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 10:27am

When will you heal? It depends, do you want to hear what you want to hear, or what you need to hear? I'm sorry you're going through this.

hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
In reply to: ming_88
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 10:35am

I think I need to hear the truth. I'm sick of the false hope. I'm ready to move on or at least I'm trying to convince myself of that matter. I hate missing him. Every time I try to think of the bad times with him, my mind always flashes back to the good memories of us. He was my first love and it scares me to think I won't get over him.

My friends tell me stories of how people they know or even themselves have gotten back together after a breakup. I don't want to think like that though. It's hard though because I do miss him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
In reply to: ming_88
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 12:05pm

I admire your courage and strength, so I'm going to be honest with you. You can do MUCH better, and you deserve to be treated with respect. If a guy really likes you, he will make sure you know that he likes you. If he's being wishy-washy, then you know he's not totally committed to the relationship. How do you know if he wants you back? He will call you and tell you that he misses you, made a mistake, and wants to work on getting back together. Then you tell him what changes need to be made in order for the relationship to work. If he just calls to 'see how you are doing', he just wants an ego boost.

Take the advice of the other posters, we have all 'been there, done that' with our first loves. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they are not so great. The key is to figure out what you want in a relationship, and not to settle for anything less. I'm 34, and I'm still working on this (but I'm getting better!). All the best.

hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ming_88
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 12:35pm

Hi ming,


Please don't beat yourself up.