Books- any recommendations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Books- any recommendations?
3
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 3:36am
I am looking for some self help books after the break up of a long term relationship. I could use anything. My self esteem has plummeted, I feel depressed and very scared. Thanks.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 12:04pm

I've read a whole bunch of breakup books, and I think the best one is "Letting Go" by Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot. It came out in the 70s, I think, so some of the ideas are out of date, but most of it is timeless. I also think that their timetable of 12 weeks to get over someone is unrealistic, but the techniques are extremely helpful.

I would NOT recommend John Gray's book (Mars and Venus Starting Over is the title, I think). I think I was more depressed after reading it than before!!!

For self-esteem and general "uplifting", anything by Iyanla Vanzant is great--particularly In the Meantime.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:23pm

You came to the right place.

"How to Survive the loss of a love" by Melba Cosgrove, Ph.D., Harold Bloomfield, M.D., and Peter McWilliams - a beautiful book out of the 70's I really hope you can find a copy- try ebay as well

If you think you were dealing with someone direly afraid of commitment, try "Men Who CAn't Love- How to Recognize a commitment-phobic man before he breaks your heart" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol This book won't apply to many relationships but it happened to for several of mine- unfortunately this is the first time I got my hands on the book. It could have been helpful years ago

"Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide to Letting Go" by Rhonda Findling
This is a cutesy sort of book, a short read but has some good practical advice and insight. For example, if you think your man is going to change it's time to wake up and stop "wasting precious years of your life" (unless he goes into psychotherapy or something else life changing)

And one I bought a few years ago after a breakup was awesome. It's called "Being Single In A Couple's World- How to Be Happily Single While Looking For Love" by Xavier Amador, Ph. D. and Judith Kiersky, Ph. D. THis book opened my eyes to single bias in society and how to stand up and not only accept yourself as a non-couple person but refuse to allow other people to try to make you feel somehow less than or incomplete. So many people are so afraid of being single that they'd rather be in crappy relationships, which does nothing but perpetuate wrecked self-esteem, awful marriages and unhappy kids. I recommend this book to everybody, whether single or afraid to leave a relationship due to fear of loneliness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 3:06am
Hey there-
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup....I'm sure you're in a lot of pain right now but it will get better. I know that's generic advice, but its true. I'm slowly getting over my ex from a long term relationship. One book I would recommend, and its definitely a light-hearted one, is the Girls Guide to Surviving a Breakup, I can't remember the author's name right now and I don't have it with me, her last name is Hirsch though. Its funny and totally relatable. It made me laugh and helped me cope, to feel normal, and realize that everyone has gone through this and it sucks!! You take care and keep us posted.