The Boomerang
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 04-30-2006 - 12:43pm |
This one is long so please be patient - read all of it and comment like crazy - I am pulling my hair out!
A year and a half ago I met someone who I fell pretty hard for and, I thought, he with me. We got involved in each others lives (kids too), he took me around to family and friends (almost immediately) and we talked about the possiblity of marriage. I moved my children and I to the town he lived in at his urging (MISTAKE), mainly because we wanted to explore the relationship more and I was leaving the town I was living in anyway - at the time, the move made sense. My kids have readjusted to the schools and I became dear friends with his best friends wife.
We broke up this past September - almost without warning. He claimed he did not know what he wanted, etc., etc. Needless to say, I was crushed. Our kids go to the same school together and because I am friends with this other family, it was inevitable we would see each from time to time. THe holidays were VERY HARD but I came through it. During all of this we maintained some contact, emails & the occasional phone call - our kids are friends too. Well, in the middle of February I got a call out of the blue on a Saturday afternoon. What I had found out later was that he had called Mike (his best friend) and started telling him he wanted a family, marriage, etc. So, I knew why he was calling. Loneliness perhaps. This call led to another later that day and the next morning he called to ask me out for dinner so we could talk.
I was standoffish at first but he said, please give me a break here, I'm trying to get my head on straight, these last 6 months have been quite a journey and not to listen to what his friends MIke & Stef said.
Incidentally, MIke & Stef were telling me the whole time to get over it, move on and that I could do better.
Well, we went to dinner, which sort of started things up again. He said he wanted to marry his best friend, we agreed to see each other as friends again. For the last 2 1/2 months we were doing this. Seeing each others kids again, doing things together, hanging out & making plans. A couple of weeks ago my instincts were screaming that he was pulling away again. We had started getting very close (not intimate though) and I was seeing the signs that led to our last breakup.
I called him up and asked him what was wrong. He blew his stack and claimed that only a girlfriend would ask such a question! After a lengthy argument he asked me to forgive him and said he was a piece of garbage! By now all my warning signals are screaming at me! Two days later, he showed up at my house for an impromptu birthday dinner organized by his friends Mike & Stef. His daughter gave me a card and gift and she asked me to get her some photos for a birthday present she was making for him for his upcoming birthday. I got the photos to her - she adores me and I her. Three weeks ago we went for pedicures together. Two weeks ago I was at a track meet for both our kids and he had to leave to attend a prior work engagement. He asked if I could take his daughter and his mother home that day - I ended up taking them to dinner with me and my two kids. The next day, he took all the kids to play tennis so I could have some down time - I picked them up took them out for ice cream and dropped his daughter off - mind you, this is all after our argument & about two weeks ago now.
Since then pretty much nothing although he does bring my son home from track practice. This brings me to last night. He brought a woman to the house of our mutual friends (MIke & Stef). This woman is the mother of a friend of his daughter, commonly known as a bar fly and he has never spoken highly of her to me or anyone else. In fact, he claims he wished the girls were not friends. His friends think she is a skank & laughed at him for bringing her around. I found out quite by accident as I had called Stef to see if she wanted to go out and she said they were there while I was on the phone! very uncomfortable for Stef. I have come to find out also that he brought her to his sister's house last night as well. WHAT IS HE DOING????
Stef & Mike believe he is putting on a show. A sort of, I can date anyone I want and do what I want when I want kind of thing. Stef says to try to forget him and to see through to the fact that he is a jerk and a pig and that I can do better than him. I know I can do better and be treated better but I have to say that my ego & feelings have been dealt a crushing blow. I care for him deeply but am disgusted by his behavior. I think he is using this woman and I am beginning to wonder if he used me as well. Perhaps I am naive to the ways of men but what is the motivation for this type of behavior? He knew I would find out about this so it is evident he does not care about how it might make me feel.
I will be seeing him this Wednesday at the school track meet. I am not sure how I should act. Should I avoid him, ignore him, pretend like I don't know about it? I do not want to feed into whatever drama he is trying to create here because it is beneath me - I have more class than that. I am a good person, great mother, the type of girl you bring home, I do not throw myself at men, am stable etc. I am 39 & he is 42 and yet at 39 I just don't get it. HELP.

Your friends are right...you DO need to move on and you CAN do better than this emotionally unhealthy mess of a man. I hope you can see that now.
You should be polite when you see him but don't engage him in conversation. Say "hi, how are you" and keep moving. Keep contact to a minimum and ask your friends not to talk to you about his activities.
Sheri