Break up after 7 years help!
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Break up after 7 years help!
| Fri, 07-14-2006 - 7:17pm |
Here is the story. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years now. We met online 8 years ago and met one year later, we continued a long distance relationship, seeing eachother 2 or 3 times a year until last year. He lives in Europe and I live in Canada, I decided to move there to be with him. I hadnt moved before because I was young and still in school and so was he. So I moved there last year. Everything was great, I got a job and no serious problems. We had had problems in the past because he was unsure about committing to me fully, but we got past that, so I thought when I moved there and everything was fine. Until after a year of living together, I went back to Canada for a month. When I left he called me a week later and told me it wasnt working and he wanted to break up because quote "he just wanted to be alone". I dont know what I did wrong, nothing really, the relationship was great, I understood he was an independent person and needed his space, and I thought I gave it to him. This time he doesnt seem to want to change his mind at all. I left all my things there, my luggage, everything, still have my job there, what should I do? He says he still loves me and I love him, but he cant give me what I want!!! Sounds like a committment phobic to me, but I cant seem to change his mind. help! What should I do, I still want him. His mother wants me to show up there, because I still have my flight, but I dont know if this will just cause me more pain?
What should I do. Any advice would help me so much!
What should I do. Any advice would help me so much!

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I know how you are feeling . My husband just up and moved got a place over 1000 miles away from me and my daughter . He said he was trying to fix his credit so he couldn't help with bills and saved his money to move out . I know it may seem really hard right now but it will get better. Trust me . Even though I am not all together yet I can at least see some light now . Keeping busy is very important .
And That is what SHANTESAYS
Hello. I feel your pain.
After reading your story, I can only feel that this man is a total jerk to let you relocate to another country, only to call you when you are away from him to break up. Why couldn't he do that in person?
Go back there, get the rest of your stuff, and run like the wind!!!!!!!! Go back home and stay there where you have family and a support system. You can always find another job. This is not a man you want to deal with any longer than you already have. Tell his mother that you are too good for her son, and that maybe one day when he's all grown up, he'll deserve a woman as good as you.
One of the tricks men use when they want to break up is to tell you that they still love and care for you....this is just a ploy to try to avoid an ugly ending, and possibly to leave the door open should he want to come back to you and dabble a little more with someone familiar during dry times.
Do NOT hang around and try to make it work. You will only lose whatever dignity you have left!
Good Luck!
Thanks again.
I've read your posts and what everyone else has replied to you, and I just wanted to put in my two cents.
It sounds like he was scared, plain and simple. How old are you both?
My advice would be to go get your stuff. Don't just leave it there, what if he never sends it to you.
Also everyone so far has told you to just forget about him, but you probably can't just forget him after 7 years.
I was in a 4.5 year relationship and my ex broke up with me 12 weeks ago because he just wanted to be alone.... Sound familiar.
Honestly, if you truly love him, then you can't totally forget him. You can move on with your life though. And it's okay to have hope that one day he'll want to be with you and love and cherish you the way you deserve. I still have hope, and everyone that posts on these boards probably does have some hope.
Follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you.
~Amber~
Tell me what you think, tell me a little about your boyfriend, did he say why he wanted to be alone?
Thanks again.
Honestly every situation is different and you have to make this decision based on what you know about yourself, about your ex, and about your relationship with him.
My ex and I saw each other last night for the first time since the break up. We ended up talking for 3 and a half hours. He wants to be alone right now because we are really young, I'm 21, he's 22. He is trying to get his life settled before he wants to be in a serious relationship, and he said he just needs to not be in a relationship right now. He told me last night that I was perfect, gorgeous, all those nice things, but that he still needs to be alone. He even told me he still loved me, and we ended up making out a little bit, neither one of us wanted it to go further though, so it didn't. He really respects me, and I also respect him and why he had to do this. The bridge has been lifted between us and its great. We left things with him agreeing that he was going to try and get his crap together, and that we would start hanging out and see what happens. But enough about me.
Honestly if I were you I would probably get on the plane and go see him. But that's me. If you do go see him, just know that it might end badly, but at least you'll know that you tried, and you won't have to wonder that you did everything you could. Relationship are a tricky thing, and another thing that has to come into play is the fact that hes done this before to you. I've always told myself that I would take my ex back once, but if he does it again, that's it.
If you do go see him, hope for the best, but expect the worst.
Follow your heart.
~Amber~
Its so tempting to go, but everyone around me now would think i was a fool. I would have to lie to them to go there and say, he wanted to work it.
What should I do, time is ticking, my plane is for the 25th, but I should cancel it next Monday or Tuesday. Also my job is there and I havent told them yet Im not coming. They expect me next week!
Help!
Suz
Hey Suz,
You really have a tough situation. My bf is 33 and I'm 27. He still is trying to get his life together. So, I totally understand how you feel. We broke up mainly because he isn't sure if he wants kids someday, but there are other issues with him as well that he feels are preventing him from making that decision. He has no plan for the next 5 years. He even told me he doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up yet and he feels like he has no purpose. So, I guess it doesn't matter how old you are. For some people they just have a hard time growing up.
I don't know whats going to happen with us right now, He broke up with me, but said he thinks he wants to try and work it out. We have been seeing eachother about once a week now and have been broken up for a month. I can tell you that this is no fun at all. This limbo relationship really sucks and is very emotional and I'm thinking of telling him we need no contact for a little bit while he tries to sort his life out and decide if he can be with me, because its just too hard for me right now. So think long and hard about doing this trial. Its really hard emotionally. But, if you do think there is a chance that you will work it out eventually, then maybe it would be worth it. I guess I don't have the answers, because I'm going through something kinda like this myself right now. I just wanted you to know there are others out there like you. Your situation is tough though because he is across the ocean and you started to make a life there.
Personally, I think you should go back to at least get your things and talk to your boss. Is there some friend over there you could stay with? That way you wouldn't have to see him if you don't want to.
Thanks its good to know Im not the only one who has to deal with an immature man!
Suz
That is a tough one. Honestly, if it was me, I would go and try the 2-week trial. But that's just me, you have to make this decision on your own.
My ex and I last night talked about everything and I now understand more of why he wanted to be alone, etc. We laughed like old time and it was amazing, but it is also very confusing in ways. But we'll see what happens there.
I do think you should go back to at least get your stuff, talk to your boss, and you should at least go and talk with him. But I think you should try and make other plans and not make the whole 2 weeks about him. Possibly stay with a friend for part of the time instead of him.
It does make it harder knowing that he's done this to you before but you need to make this decision for yourself.
~Amber~
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