"The Break" Continued"
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:52pm |
Well, I've got an update but it isn't pretty.
Earlier today I sent him a txt msg asking him when he'd be available to exchange crap and he CALLED less than an hr later. I really didn't think he would. He asked me when I wanted to meet and I said it depended on when he was available. It was very hard to talk to him but then it was easy all of a sudden. We started talking about what was happening and I asked him how he was doing :( He said he was very sad- 3 yrs and it's gone.
Asked me how I was doing and I told him I was sad too and very hurt. I told him he may want to think about talking to someone about his birthmother situation and that I felt he hadn't realized how it had affected him and basically just poured my feelings all out in the open to him. He still called me babe and told me he loved me after I told him the same. He said hopefully he will learn to multi task and I told him he was going to have to learn to do that regardless of who he was with in the future. He didn't really disagree with anything I said which is ironic b/c all we've done in the past 3 months for the most part is disagree. Anyway I took his stuff to my friends house and he is going to stop by there to pick up his stuff that I dropped off today. He didn't really say anything new except that he has got to get his life back on track and maybe in a few wks but he had to take things one day at a time. I asked him if he thought failing that test was the final straw for him and he said it made him wake up and realize he has to take action to improve his life. He said he would always be my friend and I told him I didn't think I could handle that. No response.
Whatever is going to happen is going to happen but this just sucks and I wish we hadn't had that talk b/c it made me rethink that maybe it could work later down the road. But then my logic comes back out and says the changes he is about to go thru will pretty much seal the deal that we won't be meeting back up. Anyway when I talked to him last, he told me to take care and that he would talk to me later.
SIGH Why did I talk to him and why does this have to be so hopeless and it feels like I have no emotions, like I am just numb inside but I still love him so much and know he loves me too.
I know I will get thru this I just wish it would all go away. He still has "In a Relationship" on his myspace. Rome wasn't built in a day though. I've got to go see my counselor this week pronto I'm really tripped out by all of this :(
