Break up help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Break up help!
2
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:07pm
I have been dating a guy for about 10 months. I thought he was "the one" and things were great until a few months ago, I found out he had cheated on me with my best friend. Unfortunately, I forgave him and let him back in my life. Now i am having some serious regrets about us and our future together. Our families are different (mine goes to church and are Christians, his drinks and cusses and does not go to church), he isn't financially stable, he has a violent temper (but has never hit me), and talks down to me sometimes. Since the cheating happened, though, he has come around and has changed into a sweeter guy. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and this is tearing me apart. He has NO idea i want to break up with him, and I don't know how to do it. I'm 20 years old and in college, and more mature than him, although he is 21. I feel that I am going somewhere in my life, and he is not. How do i break it off with him so that he doesn't explode or get his feelings hurt? I need to move on and stop wasting time on things that are dragging me down. thank you -Lauren
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
In reply to: lauren1323
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:20pm
Hi Lauren-

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It truly sucks. To be honest with you I'm glad you're considering ending things with someone who has a violent temper and is verbally abusive to you. He is bringing you down indeed and the first step is realizing that there is a problem, so way to go! -- There is another message board called "Should I Stay or Should I Go" right here on ivillage, with people who are going through similar situations and are trying to assess if they should leave their partners. You should give it a shot it might be really helpful. In the meatime, I recommend you're honest with yourself and honest with him, and the sooner the better. Good luck, and stay in touch.

T

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: lauren1323
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 4:47pm
Lauren... sounds like a good thing to get out of this relationship... no woman deserves a man who is either verbally or physically abusive... you are dealing with one ask=pect and if his temper is indeed violent, could be facing the other should this continue. My only advice to you, if you are even vaguely concerned that he might "explode" is to break it off with him in a place that is safe! Whether that be at a coffee shop, or the library, etc... somewhere that it would be more difficult for him to lash out at you... just in case. Or, if need be, do it over the phone and then stay with your friends or parents for a couple days. Take care OK? Good for you for wanting someone healthy... be safe and let us know how it goes...