Break-up: is it the right thing to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Break-up: is it the right thing to do?
5
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:06pm

I’ve been writing on LDR board about my story.

Three weeks after he paid a visit to me and we had a fabulous mini-vacation together, I decided to call it an end. We’ve been together for almost 10 months, but because we were used to be colleagues so we’ve been a close couple than others. We were able to be there for each other on multiple occasions: his family emergency (his father passed away) and my dreadful car accident (my car was totaled). He said he will make a decision to where to go by the end of this year and we both know there will be some chances that he will move back to my area. Extremely disappointed at his answer, I told him I wanted to break up. After maintaining the same kind of interaction: keeping each other accompanied on messenger and letting each other know of any plans outside of work, I could not manage the thoughts IF he decides not to move back or IF he happens to meet other girls, how I would feel. There was once I had such a dream at night then I cried and woke myself up.

So, I told him I wanted a break from keeping in touch with him. Although he said something around the lines the decision might not be a good thing IF he moves back to my town, at the end he agreed.

Now, I am overwhelmed by the thoughts that I am killing the potential relationship (if he moves back, probably more than 50% of chance) simply because I cannot emotionally be calm and am scared by the thoughts of the other possibilities.

People say after a few months, all the emotions, highs and lows, are not there any more. And I am so sure he is A GOOD MAN. I am afraid I am missing this good man (if he moves back) because of my incapability of dealing with my own emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:29pm
His response to my suggestion of no contact is his full support and he also ensures me that I can take as much time as possible to go through this emotional turmoil and he is always there with open doors for me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 10:26am

I can't see how it could hurt to wait. It's a big decision so I'm sure he doesn't want to rush it. And he's being HONEST with you. I can tell you from experience it's MUCH better than having someone promise you they'll move with you and then have them leave you hanging at the last minute. Much less disappointing. Anyways If I were you, I'd make a decision on whether or not you can continue LDR if he decides not to return, instead of prematurely.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 10:46am

Thanks Susana for your reply.

The thing is I do not think we have LDR now. After we've gone through some major events (his loss of father and my accident), he told me that he and I are on the different life stage: I am ready to get settled and he is NOT THERE YET, though he said he is trying to figure himself out. His reply to my question how to define our relationship is "I do not know". Under such a circumstance, I decided to call it over.

Now, I am suffering from the massive mood swing everyday. I constantly think about this problem and try to reassure myself this is the right decision.

If there is any chance he will move back, I assume the passion and good memories would alerady be swallowed by my moody phone calls, complaints about why he does not want to be with me FOR SURE after all these we'd gone through, exhaustive feelings towards each other...

If he finally decides not to move back, I would go through another round of heart-break.

Am I too selfish in this decision? As I know, he has blocked me from his online chatting since i told him about taking a break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 11:19am
You definitely need time on your own right now. In this type of decision, you need to be selfish. You need to do what's right for you, what you think will make you happy in the long run. If you still have the same feelings in a few months, then maybe you'll find out that you are meant to be together. Until then, don't contact him. It only prolongs the sad emotions. Maybe this breakup will make him realize you were the one and that he does want to get serious. Give your heart a break, and trust that you did what's right. I know it hurts right now, but at least stop beating yourself up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 12:11pm

Thanks, SJ1012. They all say the distance and no contact will dissolve any emotions. My heart aches whenever I think about the future of us being in the same town, but no more passion and emotion for each other.

It is all because I could not bear the pain in next 5 months.

I know I've been going back and forth with my thoughts. I guess there is NO absolute answer to this situation...