Break up a marriage after 10 years?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Break up a marriage after 10 years?
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 4:39am

It's hard for women to make the decision to leave. I find myself going back and forth all the time. I'm 31 and will be married 10 years next month. We've been through so much already that I am constantly debating on whether I want another 10 years like this. On most days the answer is no. We've been through counselling before and came out with nothing. We're just too different! We've lost respect for each other and I am on a never ending roller coaster ride of anger and frustration. We fight all the time, mostly in front of the kids. I just get so angry and I'm so fed up with him. I don't know if I like him anymore. I just would feel rotten to leave him because I can't work it out. Plus I have 3 kids to think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 10:55am

The picture you have painted is that you really have no respect for your DH, you don't get along, you fight in front of the kids, which is really damaging to them--so really why is it that you even think about staying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:49am

It sounds like you are on the verge of making a decision, but haven't yet. Hopefully once you make a decision, then you will have more peace in your life --- whether you leave or you stay.

I agree w/music as far as the arguing in front of the kids etc. I don't necessarily say leave as much as I would say - if you choose to stay, change your attitude. I hear you saying that you are fantasizing about another man & how wonderful your life could be w/him. Which is right - it's a "fantasy". The reality of the situation is that you do have 3 kids to think about and that would be greatly affected if you divorce - maybe in a positive way if there was no more fighting?

You may find someone later that you are more compatible with. But that could take quite a while - and you may never? Is that something you are willing to risk & live w/ - along w/all the other consequences of divorce w/3 children?

You really need to think realistically about all of it

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 2:06pm

Maria’s Mom,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 2:51am
I believe wisdomtooth2020 said it all. As a divorced woman whose XH DID drink, cheat and was emotionally abusive by withholding affection & putting his mom, sister & nephew before his own wife and daughters, I can say you need to consider yourself lucky. Honey, let me tell you, its cheaper to remodel than to tear down the house and build a new one. If your H is willing to keep your marriage together and BOTH of you want to make it work, it will.